Flying by the Seat of My Pants: Flight Attendant Adventures on a Wing and a Prayer by Marsha Marks Read Free Book Online Page B

flight down, get paid flight time, work a short flight home, and be done. Due to the fact that I was so excited about this trip—allowed to dress in street clothes on the way down and packing extra beach clothes in case we were delayed in L.A.—I was bound to forget something. I always forget
something
. It’s just that this time it was my…uniform. Oops.
    Now, not wanting to get fired or even to draw any attention to my gaffe, I looked for a way to cover up my mistake. The problem was that I didn’t realize the mistake until a few minutes before I had to report to my flight back to Seattle.
    I’d waited until the last possible minute to change.
    “Oh dear God!” was my prayer when I discovered I had nothing to change into. My next prayer was “Yikes!” “Oh man!” was my last utterance before it occurred to me to run to the lost-and-found closet. Usually that closet contains thingsleft in the flight attendant lounge, things nobody bothered to claim. Things like old shoes, tattered aprons, sweaters with rips in the arms. But fortunately for me that day, the closet included two uniforms. Actually, one uniform and one apron.
    I grabbed the uniform dress and noticed right away that it was tall enough for my size 12 tall figure. Then I saw the size and was unbelievably thrilled to realize that the uniform was also a size 12. I couldn’t believe it…except something seemed not quite right. As I stepped into the bottom half of the dress and couldn’t get it over my hips, I checked the tag again. That’s when I noticed there was no 1 beside the 2. It was a 2. A size 2 tall.
    I don’t know if there are any readers who wear a size 12 and have tried to fit into a size 2, I mean seriously fit, but it doesn’t work. I was finally able to wiggle my behind into this dress, but only because it had a pleat in the front and another in the back, both of which were now completely stretched out, making the former A-line skirt into something straight and tight.
    I had one minute left to dress before checking into my flight. I grabbed the edges of the dress and shoved my arms into the half-length sleeves, which now barely covered the corners of my shoulders. They appeared to be what my mother called cap sleeves.
    When I tried to close the bodice, I couldn’t even get it within six inches of closing. I grabbed the spare apron and a bagof safety pins. I always keep safety pins. I pinned that apron securely to the front of the dress, because being a flasher would be worse than forgetting my uniform.
    There are some things you just make the best of, I thought, as I casually walked up to the gate. I tried to act as if nothing was wrong. The flight attendants on board were from the Seattle base, and they all knew me.
    As I came to the front entrance, the lead flight attendant looked at me and said, with her eyes as big as I have ever seen them, “What…do you have on?”
    I tried to tell her what happened, but she wouldn’t listen to my explanation.
    She picked up the intercom to alert all the other crew members.
    “You guys have to get up here and look at what the cat drug in. You will never believe it!”
    The laughter eventually died down. Weeks later. Not, unfortunately, during that entire flight. Every time my fellow crew members looked at me, they started laughing.
    But one flight attendant had mercy on me and gave me her sweater to wear. “Button it up all the way,” she said, “because a size 2 dress on a size 12 body—well, that ain’t gonna fly.”
    I was never happier than when that flight was over. And I’ve never forgotten my uniform again.

C HAPTER 22
     

     

Flight Delays
     
    I n all my years of flying, I have to confess at least a third of my flights are held up by some kind of delay. The average customer does not realize that on any given day many variables can affect the on-time departures and landings of the two thousand flights on my airline alone. Variables having to do with things like weather,