Flying in Place by Susan Palwick Read Free Book Online Page B

techniques. You’ve got to be kidding. “Yes,” I said. Sure, I know how to defend myself. You keep your mouth shut and pretend to be somewhere else, because if you say anything he’ll hurt you more than he’s going to already, and if Mom finds out—
    I could no more knee him in the groin than I could fly to the moon. That would only make it worse. Myrna didn’t understand anything.
    “Show me,” she said crisply.
    “What?”
    She reached into the forest of coats and sweaters growing on hooks from the back door and deftly extricated a thick down vest. “Show me,” she repeated, putting it on. “I’m going to try to grab you and I want you to fight me off. I know how to block blows, so don’t worry about hurting me, all right? I taught Janie this way. Hit as hard as you can.”
    I couldn’t hit at all. “Can’t I just scream?” I asked.
    “It’s good if you can scream,” Myrna said, nodding approvingly. She seemed to think it had been a serious question. “A lot of women can’t; they just freeze. But pretend you’ve screamed and it hasn’t worked. Show me what you’d do then.”
    Jane was perched on a clear spot on the counter, eating an apple she’d found somewhere. “She’s ticklish,” she said, grinning. “That’s what the vest is supposed to protect her from. You have to go for the back of the knees—”
    “Janie! Don’t tell her these things.” Myrna was coming towards me, laughing, bundled in the thick vest and raising one thick arm. “Now turn around, okay, pretend you’re just walking—”
    “No!” I couldn’t breathe. “Don’t touch me! You’re making this into a game and it’s not funny—”
    “No,” Myrna said, not smiling anymore. “No, it isn’t funny at all, and I wasn’t trying to make it a game. I’m sorry I upset you. Emma, what’s wrong?”
    She knew too much. I was telling her too much; she was going to find out. I swallowed, fighting for air, and said, “Why don’t you ask her about the boat? They stole somebody’s boat and they didn’t even know what kind of shape it was in. And Tad—he was—he was looking ! If she’d had her eyes open she’d have known! If she hadn’t been wearing that shirt—”
    I stopped, appalled. What had I said? How could I have said that? Jane, white-faced, slid off the counter in one quick movement and darted towards me, her fists clenched, but Myrna put an arm around her shoulders and held her. “Janie, be still. Emma, I was going to ask about the boat later. I was. The boat’s important, but what Tad did is more important, and what Jane did to defend herself is even more important than that. Do you understand? Emma, please tell me what’s wrong.”
    “I have to leave now,” I said. Jane hated me. I could tell from the way she looked at me, her face perfectly still and her jaw clenched; she’d beat me into a pulp if Myrna weren’t holding her, and she’d be right to do it. I’d made her promise not to tell about the ladder, and then I’d gone and told about the boat. I was slimier than Snarky’s dead skunk.
    “Wait,” Myrna said. “Emma, it’s a great gift to realize when you’re in danger. It’s an even greater gift to be able to get yourself out of it. We all need to know how to do both of those things. Do you understand?”
    “Yes,” I said, and ran out of the kitchen. There was no way I could get myself out of it. He’d outthought me a long time ago.
    On my way out I collided with Tom. He’d been coming in the front door and I hadn’t even seen him, because I was so desperate to get out of the house that I hadn’t been looking at what was in front of me. He was wearing smelly work clothing, and when I ran into his stomach he grabbed my shoulders and said in his characteristic near-bellow, “Whoa. Whoa there, little Emma! What’s the hurry?”
    “I’m late for dinner,” I said, and wrenched myself away from him. I couldn’t stand anything about him: his hands or his stink or the way