Forgive Me by Melanie Walker Read Free Book Online Page A

bullshit. I knew the truth. Jerry couldn’t stand the bimbo’s he brought home. He had never told me in detail, not sober anyway. He usually tried to spare my feelings. Jerry knew how much I still loved and pined for Shamus and Jerry willingly never told me about Shamus and his conquests. But when he was drunk enough he would let the stories spill out. I could taste the bitterness of those memories.
    “ Your dad would have hated her.” I said under my breath but Shamus caught it.
    His eyes drew in like two slits of hate and he looked at me with contempt for the first time in my life. “You would know.” His velvet voice laced with anger and maybe even hurt. In that moment I was certain he knew how close I was to Jerry. “Don’t look so shocked Sass. I knew the minute I showed my face after being gone for the first year. He told me everything.” He tipped a beer that I didn’t even know he had and looked away.
    He had known all along.... it made sense now why he begged Noah and Chad to send me to Jerry in his final hour. He had known. “I wanted to tell you. After you left…” I trailed off when I noticed he wasn’t even looking at me.
    “ You knew before I knew that he was dying.” He kept his eyes trained on the bonfire to the left of us, looking anywhere but at me. “You knew his liver was failing and you knew he was dying, he trusted you more than he did me." He was covetous of the relationship between me and Jerry, I felt it as he spoke. Shamus and Jerry never saw eye to eye but after Shamus left I assumed they had made their peace. Here and now, Shamus didn’t seem bothered by the death of his father and more angry that I was.
    "Would it have been so hard to pick up a phone?"
    Was. He. Serious?
    “ What was I supposed to do Shamus hmmm?” I asked sarcastically. “Call the fan hotline?” I stepped closer fine to let him have it. “The truth is Shamus, he didn’t want you to know. He said you were busy putting the new album together and that if you left it would put it behind.” I watched his face, it didn’t change but his eyes did, they went from anger and hate to pain and anguish at my words. I felt my anger deflate at his pain. “He talked to you on Monday. You told him you were wrapping up on Tuesday, it’s Thursday Shame. He did what he wanted and tried to avoid hurting you or your falling behind in the process. He knew he was dying soon so he did it on his terms.”
    I hated that he was angry and hurt, but I refused to forget that he chose to leave me. Wanting this little reunion to be over with, I nervously rubbed my hands on my jeans and looked to my friends, my family who would comfort me when this was over with. “I am real proud of you Shame, so was Jerry. More than he ever let you know.” I look at the raging fire because looking at him hurts. “My number is on the fridge. Call me if you need anything. I’ll be by tomorrow to gather some things I left here on the real bad nights.”
    I didn ’t wait for a reply, but I set my pace as I walked away from him this time because I refused to run from him. He left me behind and I needed to look like it hadn’t fazed me in the least. I made her way to Carrie and Chad refusing to look at Mikey who's guilty look told me he obviously told Shame I was there. Damn traitorous brother he was.
    It didn't matter. I said my piece, said I was sorry and did it all with my mask in place.

    *

    Shamus

    I felt my chest burning. I didn't want to be a dick to my Sassy but seeing her, like every wet dream over the last two years come to life just pissed me off. I had shattered myself by leaving her behind all because I was young a dumb enough to listen to an old man who was drunk and like usual mad at me.
    She showed up alone tonight and I had brought Brit, or was it Beth? Regardless I brought the fangirl because I wasn't going to face the woman who all others would be compared to alone. I end up looking like a giant douche because she showed up