that some sorta flowery bullshit? Doesn’t that shit have thorns or something? Holy fucking shit!” My eyes go wide as I stare at Hunter and I can feel the alcohol running through my system. He just sits back and looks at me like I’m crazy. “No man, it’s not thorns it’s teeth! Fucking rabid pussy! She’s not having an orgasm, she’s fucking gumming your dick trying to teethe! Run for your mother fucking life her twat’s gunna eat your cock!”
The entire table erupts in laughter and I look towards the bar to see Kyle shaking his head. He’s never seen me drink this much. I can’t even begin to know what’s running through his head so I just smile and wave.
Henry, Shaft's bodyguard, or the Hulk as I have been calling him all night, slaps his huge hand down on the table. His shoulders roll with his laughter for a second before he looks up at me with the most serious expression I have ever seen and says, “Gobble gobble, mother fucker.”
I crack up again until the waitress drops off another round of drinks and puts another hot dog in front of Hunter. Just watching this guy inhale what must be a dozen bacon dogs now makes me want to hurl. Or maybe it’s the shots that these guys insisted I had to do on top of the beer because of some weird ass tradition. I force my eyes back open when I hear Hunter ask me about my sexual week days.
“That’s fuckin’ legendary!” Hunter rubs his chin like an evil genius would and I close one of my eyes so I can see less than two of him. “So is it ‘Stroke me Sunday’? Maybe I can implement this on tour. I like the idea of ‘Fill her ass Friday’.”
I laugh and seriously consider changing a few of my days to ones that he has thrown at me. “Fuck yeah! You’d have theme music for Sunday already too!” I feel my body sway back and forth as I think about the ride over here. Laughing again when I think about the fact that when his phone rang, his ringtone for this tiger lily chick was Stroke me by Mickey Avalon.
“Stroke me, Stroke me!” All of us except Henry and tits McGee, otherwise known as Daisy, start to sing. Another fucking flower. What is it with these boys and their bushes?
Hunter tumbles off his chair when the waitress makes another round to grab our empties and he wraps his arms around her. “It’s a song that doubles as an invitation. Want me to unlace my boot and let loose my python?”
Sean and I holler and clap until she reaches down and grabs his dick so hard his eyes go wide. She turns and smiles at Henry. “Hey doll face, I think it’s time to tuck him and his python in for the night. My boss doesn’t like the wild and lively kind groping his wait staff.”
Henry laughs and winks at her when he hands her his credit card. “Thanks, I’ll just settle the bill and haul them out then." He turns towards me and Sean, “You two got someone to call? No way you’re driving.”
Sean grins, “Yeah he’s got someone to call alright... or drunk dial. Fuckin’ lightweight." He nudges me with his elbow and I scowl back at him.
“Fuck you man. I usually stick to just a beer or two. I’m not used to this shot after shot shit.” I haven’t been this drunk since I was sixteen and my dad found me stealing from his stash. He beat me so bad I could barely move for a week.
When I reach for my phone I knock over a few of the bottles that were left on the table when Hunter decided to get frisky with the hot waitress. Daisy giggles and I shoot her a wink which makes Gray, her husband, glare at me.
I nod to myself when I pick up the right phone, “Yeah I’ll just make a call or whatever.”
The words tumble out of my mouth and I wonder if I’m just drunk or if I sound like I’m having a stroke. A wide grin stretches across my face when she answers. Her sleepy voice instantly makes me hard and I close my eyes, imagining her head bobbing on my dick under the table.
“What!” She snaps after a second of me not answering and it pulls me from