Galahad at Blandings by P.G. Wodehouse Read Free Book Online

eagerness to fill me to the brim at yours? Not
likely,’ said Gally. ‘Let’s go in, shall we, and as we fortify ourselves for
the drive home you can tell me about your American adventures — what shows you
saw, what bars you were thrown out of and so on, and I’ll give you the latest
news from Blandings.’
    Quite a
number of his acquaintances, most of them looking like men whom the police were
anxious to interview because they had reason to believe that they might be able
to assist them in their enquiries, accosted Gally as he went through the
grill-room, and he had a good deal of stopping and passing the time of the day
to do. It was consequently not for some little while that he and Lord Emsworth
were at their table, dealing with their orders of sole mornay and able to take
up the thread of their conversation again.
    Gally
was the first to speak.
    ‘Well,
Clarence, what did you think of America?’
    ‘Extraordinary
country. You know it well, don’t you?’
    ‘Oh
yes, I was always popping in and out of it in the old days. You found it
extraordinary, you say?’
    ‘Very. Those
tea bags.’
    ‘I beg
your pardon?’
    ‘They
serve your tea in little bags.’
    ‘So
they do. I remember.’
    ‘And
when you ask for a boiled egg, they bring it to you mashed up in a glass.’
    ‘You
don’t like it that way?’
    ‘No, I
don’t.’
    ‘Then
the smart thing to do is not to ask for a boiled egg.’
    ‘True,’
said Lord Emsworth, who had not thought of that.
    ‘Though
the way things are going now over there, you’re lucky if you’re able to afford
boiled eggs.’
    ‘Eh?’
    ‘Didn’t
you read in the papers about the crash on the American Stock Exchange?’
    ‘I did
not see any papers while I was in New York. They left one outside my door every
morning, but I never read it. Has there been a crash on the Stock Exchange?’
    And
how! Fellows jumping out of windows in droves.’
    ‘That’s
America for you. One day you’re a millionaire, the next you’re selling apples.’
    ‘Selling
apples?’
    ‘That’s
right.’
    ‘Why
apples?’
    ‘Why
not apples?’
    ‘True.
Do you think Constance’s husband — I forget his name — is selling apples?’
    ‘I
don’t imagine so. I remember him telling me his money was mostly in Government
bonds. How was the wedding, by the way? Did you get Connie off all right?’
    ‘Yes.
Oh yes. They are spending the honeymoon at a town called Cape Cod.’
    ‘I know
it well. Cape Cod, the Forbidden City. But something in your eye tells me you
don’t want to talk about Connie and her nuptials, you want to be brought up to
date on the latest happenings at Blandings. Let me think. Well, I suppose the
first thing you’ll want to hear is how the Empress has been getting on in your
absence. You will be relieved to learn that she’s as robust as ever, her health
all that her friends and well-wishers could desire. Rosy cheeks and sparking
eyes. Under the ministrations of Monica Simmons she has flourished like a
green bay tree. You’ll be glad to see her again.
    ‘Yes,
yes, oh yes indeed. And it is wonderful to think that Constance will not be
there to look disapproving and make clicking noises with her tongue when I go
off to the sty. You’ve no idea how I am looking forward to settling down at
Blandings without.., well, of course nobody could be fonder of Constance than I
am, but…’
    ‘I get
your meaning, Clarence. No need to be apologetic about it. You know and I know
that Connie was a Grade A pest.’
    ‘I
wouldn’t say that.’
    ‘I
would.’
    ‘But
she was very autocratic.’
    ‘Very.
Bossy is perhaps the word.’
    ‘Odd
how all our sisters are like that.’
    ‘I’ve
always said it was a mistake to have sisters. We should have set our faces
against it from the outset.’
    ‘Constance
… Dora … Julia … Hermione … How they oppressed me! None of them would
ever leave me alone. They were always wanting me to do things, always
saying I must keep up my