Geli Voyante's Hot or Not by Elle Field Read Free Book Online Page A

focus. Either way, the clarity of the room isn’t what it should be. Something is wrong or, should I say, someone is wrong. Unless I am hallucinating – possible – Theo just called me babe, looked genuinely aghast as he cancelled lunch, then deliciously invited me out for dinner. Now all I can salaciously imagine – further imagine if, indeed, I have just hallucinated – is how long we’ll let the dessert course linger. More importantly, exactly how will Theo dispose of my sizzling hot VPL underwear? Which reminds me, I should include them in Saturday’s column in case Theo rips them off me tonight. I’ve heard his tales…
    I am disturbed from these tantalising thoughts by a hefty slap across my face, which certainly has the desired effect of painfully crashing me back to reality.
    ‘Thanks, Jerry.’
    ‘I’m sorry to have slapped you, Geli, but I’m sure the red mark will fade by tonight. If not, you can use some of your girly stuff to cover it.’
    I am dangerously drifting back into Theo-land at the mere mention of tonight which definitely beats Disneyland as the happiest place on the planet. Theo has those deliciously dangerous pointy teeth that I can imagine would…  
    ‘Geli!’ a voice roars at me, interrupting my thoughts of rides better than the ones Disney boasts.
    That snaps me back to reality. It’s my mentor, Susie, a formidable Scottish woman and my antithesis. She is pale; I am tanned. Her hair is pixie-short; mine is bum-length. She is fiercely intelligent; I’m just me. She is fierce; I am nice. Needless to say, we rarely see eye-to-eye (she is short; I am tall) mainly because she is a hard-working she-devil and I am a lazy angel. Theo’s words, coincidentally. Mmm, Theo… concentrate !
    As one of my pod neighbours , Theo also suffers from Susie’s visits; it’s how he came to dub her the “Scottish she-devil”. Susie, you see, doesn’t agree with how I landed my job here, even though I am actually quite good at dictating what’s Hot or Not. I’m fair and don’t allow a personal bias and vendetta to skew my opinion, which is more than I can say for Susie’s phenomenally opinionated columns. She’s considered a legend for avoiding libel action.
    ‘Why aren’t you answering your phone, Geli?’ Susie asks.
    She’s too calm for my liking. Without a shadow of a doubt, this is the calm before her storm as it’s a sackable offence to switch your handset to silent. Most people merely get hauled in front of the disciplinary board and get let off by citing pressure drove them to it. Saying you’re “under pressure” is the equivalent to saying that naughty c-word for New News . It’s that frowned upon. Possibly because this is a family environment and you’re not supposed to feel pressurised with your family of all people, so if you are under pressure, it suggests there is something wrong with the New News family. Human Resources do not like being told they are not doing their jobs properly.
    ‘And why did Ben just slap you?’ she continues before I can formulate a feeble excuse.
    Susie doesn’t tolerate food nicknames. It ’s strange to hear him be called Ben; even Theo remembers the majority of the time to call him Jerry.
    Secretly I ’ve dubbed Susie as “jam roly poly” because a) she’s pale; b) she has red hair; and c) she’s quite plump due to not managing to shift her post-pregnancy weight – that’s what twins will do to your figure. Yikes.
    ‘Geli is in shock,’ Jerry pipes up nervously on my behalf.
    He, too, is terrified of Susie. His input means a lot, but it’s a big mistake as gallant as his interjection is. Susie will not appreciate the news that I am in shock because Theo is taking me out for dinner.
    S he shoots Jerry a look of pure disgust that sends him sidling back to his pod, his head firmly down. ‘Well?’ she barks at me.
    I know she is dying to get me in front of the disciplinary board as a defendant, as opposed to me being hauled up