Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman by Enitan O. Bereola Read Free Book Online Page B

supporting him, and he’s forever and always about to do something, but never once has he done anything, it’s time to dispose of that unequal yoke. What good is a seed that has the potential to grow, but remains a seed? Undeveloped, undiscovered and misused gifts dishonor the Creator. Our gifts are His investments in us, and He deserves His return. But so do you!
    Rule n ° 85 Be hospitable: Always say, “Thank you.” It’s a simple sign of gratitude and praise. Don’t forget, “You’re welcome,” “Excuse me,” “Please,” “Hello” and “Goodbye.” Don’t ask, “How are you?” if you don’t want to know – only exchange genuine pleasantries.
    Rule n ° 87 Don’t whisper in the company of others: Secrets seem sinister and make the person who can’t hear feel isolated. Just text it!
    Rule n ° 89 Art of the Apology : In polite society, an apology is a useful tool and welcome gift. As an act of remorse for a mistake or misstatement, an apology is a sign of concern, respect and cultured behavior. There are, however, people who misuse apologies or employ apologies as a substitute for other behaviors. Simply put, these misuses are signs of immature or rude behavior. It’s important to beware and be wary of the apology. Here are the guidelines for apologies:
    Only When Appropriate
    Apologies are useful when a mistake or accident has occurred: stepping on someone’s toes, inadvertently cutting in line, dropping a cup, etc. The apology should be heartfelt, clear and direct. You may offer two thoughts of the following suggestion (but never three):
     
I’m so sorry
Will you please excuse/forgive me
I apologize for the error
    Turn to face the sufferer(s) of the accident and speak directly to them. An apology offered with your back to the person, or tossed off while you are walking away, is not an actual apology and can be interpreted as an insult.
    Be Specific
    Though it may lead to a fight, “Forgive me for taking your man” is preferable to “Hey, sorry.”
    And while she’s delighting in taking your man, go ahead and give her your shoes, too–she’ll be walking in them. It’s been said that if a woman steals your man, there’s no better revenge than letting her keep him.
    Do Not Apologize When an Apology is Not Called For
    Some people use an apology when they actually want to say something else. For example, if you cannot hear someone, you should say, “Excuse me?” not “I’m sorry?” An apology is a statement, not a question.
    The Apology Should Fit the Gaffe
    If you’ve called someone who is hard to look at, ugly—apologize once—quickly—and get on with life. If a man is physically unattractive, don’t refer to him as ugly–say, “He has a great personality.” If you’ve wrecked a friend’s car, the apology should be more substantial. In addition to offering to fix the vehicle, you might consider a note of regret and perhaps a free car wash. It’s important to align the apology with the magnitude of the gaffe.
    The Apology Should Not Be More Substantial than the Gaffe
    While it’s important to make amends, overly effusive, demonstrative and extravagant apologies will make the sufferer feel even worse. The victim of the gaffe will resent your effusiveness, suspecting that the apology was intended to relieve your guilt rather than to make them feel better. Remember, an apology is for the other person, not for you. Empathy diminishes the distance between the accused and the victim.
    For Small or Medium Blunders, Apologize Once
    A mistake is a mistake. One mistake gets one apology. If you repeatedly apologize for a single mistake, the sufferer will construe that you are insincere or worse. No need to apologize endlessly over a minor infraction. You’ll be, in the vernacular, a pain in the ass. You’re not really apologizing as much as you’re going through some insecure psychological episode. Go away!
    An Apology Is a Bridge, Not a Destination
    In polite behavior, an apology