through, not this early on in their relationship. “I’m
sorry,” he said, and then he didn’t seem to be able to stop
saying it. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to
upset you.”
Matthew raised his head, and gently tilted Dean’s head up so
they were looking squarely at each other. “I’m not upset with
you, little one,” he whispered so quietly that Dean almost
didn’t hear him. “I’m upset with what’s happened to you, in
your past, when I know I wasn’t around to even think about
protecting you. But that’s not your fault, or mine. I just hate
the thought of abuse of any kind and I hope one day you will
tell me about it, so we can both get past it.”
Dean had never thought that both he and a potential mate
would have to get past the abuse he went through in his home
pack. He thought it was something he had to get through by
himself. Of course, because he hadn’t provided any actual
details, Matthew could just be thinking he had been raped
once, or something. He wasn’t too sure that he wanted to have
that discussion any time soon. But it looked like his mate
wasn’t dropping the matter.
“Is this why you don’t want a mate, little one,” Matthew said,
and Dean’s heart gave a little leap at Matthew’s apparent pet
name for him. He loved it. “Is your abuse,” poor Matthew was
clearly struggling over that word, “the reason you don’t think
we can have a future together?”
Not knowing quite what to say about that, Dean resorted to
looking out of the window of the SUV. He knew he desperately
wanted to get home and shut himself in his room again, but if
he didn’t answer Matthew’s question, then the man would think
that he didn’t want to mate with him, and he did.
Oh wow. Clarification hitting his brain like the tsunami that hit
him before, but with a lot more positive results, Dean
acknowledged to himself and his wolf that he did want
Matthew. How he would go with the logistics of it all, well, he
wasn’t sure about that, but he did know that as they were both
wolves, his wolf would accept Matthew, even if he as a human
did have a few reservations about the whole sex thing. And for
the first time in six years he really wanted to get over that
problem.
“I do want you Matthew,” He said, trying to make his voice as
confident as possible. “It’s just I haven’t been near another
man sexually for six years. And I have issues being naked with
other people, cos…well…I’ve got some scars.” Dean stopped
and then pushed himself to go on, because if he didn’t he
would never forgive himself. “I would understand if you didn’t
want to be mated to someone with so many hang-ups.”
Matthew was quiet for the longest time, and Dean lay there in
his mate’s arms, for what he realized could be the last time. He
had no urge to move off, although he felt maybe he should.
But if this was going to be the last chance he could enjoy the
heat and safety of this man’s body, then he was going to milk
it until the very last minute.
/~/~/~/~/
Matthew was battling with himself. He knew he had to say
something because he could feel by the slump in Dean’s body
that his little mate expected him to reject him. And he wasn’t,
so he really should say so. But he was afraid that if he opened
his mouth all his anger at how someone could hurt what had to
have been a teenage wolf, would come spewing out. And Dean
didn’t deserve to put up with his crap. The man was so sweet.
Matthew didn’t even want to think about how Dean might have
got his scars. What made his blood boil was that his mate was
clearly self-conscious about it. Shifter’s never worried about
nudity, ever. And then Matthew was wondering how Dean
coped with shifting and things like that. Maybe he did it indoors
or something, but then how could he open doors in his wolf
form?
Realizing he was getting off track, and Dean was still waiting
for an