Gilgi by Irmgard Keun Read Free Book Online Page B

hand and sits down at the table, clapping the hooker on the shoulder: “Well, how’re things, little Lena?”
    “How d’you think they are? They’re crap.” Lena gets up. “S’long, Pit—s’long, Frollein—gotta go.”
    “Pit,” Gilgi begins after a pause, “Pit, you never told me what kind of man your father is, and what’s your mother like, and—Pit, I’d like to tell you about — — —”
    Pit jumps down her throat. “Why are you butting in on me here, what do you want? Since when have you been interested in conducting psychological studies?”
    “Don’t talk such garbage, Pit!” Gilgi looks pale andtired: “You’ve got so angry recently, Pit.” That’s politics for you, she thinks, it makes people so unpleasant, really nasty.
    “Yes, I know, Gilgi.” For a moment, Pit looks like a woebegone schoolboy. “Oh, you can’t find me anything like as disgusting as I find myself. I’m so full of bitterness and hate, all I can see is injustice and prejudice.” And then he starts with his Socialism again, and all the things that have to be changed, and Gilgi sits there on the lookout for a moment when she can interrupt him and tell him about the things which are more important to her, and have more to do with her, just now. All right, private capital can be abolished for all she cares—and the anti-abortion law—it should have been repealed ages ago, of course, though maybe she owes her life to it—and the whole economic system, yes—. Why do people who talk about politics always have to make it so utterly complicated and confusing—and the revolution after the war was messed up—“oh, Pit, I can’t go on anymore!”
    “What, you—you just go your way without caring, without getting involved, Gilgi, did you actually read those books about political economy which I gave you?”
    “I don’t understand them, Pit. I’m not terribly clever, and when I start thinking about that stuff I lose my footing, I need whatever brains I’ve got for myself and my career—”
    “Your self-importance is disgusting!”
    “Well, for crying out loud, who should I find important if not myself! I just don’t believe, I think it’s a damn lie when someone says that he thinks of the community first and himself second. Who is the community, anyway? It has no face, it’s not a human being you can love, and therefore want to help. Shut up, Pit, I’m talking! You’re soterribly vain, you guys, you think that you’re something special and that you’re doing something special. You always see yourselves as heroes, and believe that the world couldn’t run properly without you. And to be heroic, you need something which challenges you, which you can fight against, and if it doesn’t exist you just invent it—”
    “You can keep that lecture for those Nazi people.” Pit stands up. “I’m sorry for you, Gilgi, if you can’t understand that we won’t find any peace until—what’s the point of trying to explain it to you, you superficial little thing, you.” Pit sits down at the piano again—Maria, Maria, listen—do …
    That’s Pit for you! Is it some kind of crime if you want to go your way quietly and decently and keeping well away from politics? And what exactly is there to stop him finding any peace? Maybe Pit’s right after all—about this and that. Maybe you should—oh, it’s better not to think about it, you don’t know where it would lead if once you started. Gilgi rests her head on her hands. Red letters: What are you letting happen to your life?… Two by the Rhine / Two side by side / Your hand in mine … One of the traveling salesmen has fallen asleep, he’s snoring, his head is wobbling, the red lanterns are wobbling, the piano is wobbling, the bust of Dante on it is wobbling. Dante in a dive like this! How did you, pigeon … With the tip of her tongue, Gilgi licks up a tear which has rolled down her face at the speed of a slow-motion film. She’s surprised at herself for