God's Gift of Love by Sarah Miller Read Free Book Online Page A

this moment of joy was overshadowed with sadness. The doctor was amazed Abe had survived even this long.
    She knocked gently on his door and stepped into the room. It was decorated in cream, with a wooden floor. On the bed was a faded brown quilt that had been made by her Mamm many years ago and was old and worn now. Anna wanted to replace it with one she made, but she knew it gave him comfort. It made him feel close to Mamm , even though they were apart.
    “Anna,” he said his voice hoarse and breathy. “Come close girl.”
    “ Jah, Daed , how are you?”
    “I am blessed,” he said.
    Blessed , she thought, and knew she should agree, but it was so hard. He was a shadow of the man she knew. His cheeks were like old leather, worn and wrinkled and sunken where the stuffing had compacted. Once beautiful blue eyes were opaque and looked so tired, yet there was a dreamy expression on his face and she wondered if it was the medication?
    “How are you blessed, Daed ?” she asked.
    For a second the breath rattled in his chest and she thought that maybe he would cough. The cancer had taken a toll, but he bore it well. Only now towards the end, had he allowed heavy painkillers and then only to take away the worst of his pain. He wanted to face his God with a clear head, but it hurt her so to see him like this.
    At last he managed to speak. “I have lived a full life and seen five children grow to become wonderful people. I have seen eleven grosskinner born and played with them so much that the memories will last me for eternity. Most of all I had the love of a wunderbaar woman for sixty whole years. These last three without her have been long and difficult.”
    Anna dropped her eyes. Had she let him down?
    “Now don’t you go feeling guilty. You have looked after me better than I could have imagined. You have given me a home and love and so much joy in such a dark time. You have been the best dochder a mann could ask for and I love you so much for all you have done. But your Mamm was my soul mate and without her it feels like part of me is missing. Like there is a thorn in my side that I just can’t reach, and I am ready to join her. I want your blessing to go to her, to go before my Gott .”
    Tears streamed down Anna’s cheeks, but she fought back the sobs and screams that threatened to come with them. “I’m not ready Daed ,” she said.
    “I know, but it is time.” He reached out a frail hand and took hold of hers.
    Anna felt the papery flesh of his fingers and she wanted to crush his hand in hers. She could not, it would hurt, so instead she patted it gently and sent her love and gratitude through her fingers.
    “I have to tell you something before I go,” he said. “I am ashamed of this and sorry that I leave you with this burden.”
    Anna looked up. What could he be ashamed of? It made no sense. “Do not worry Daed ; there is nothing you need to be ashamed of.”
    His eyes were weaker now and his grip on her fingers loosened. “Forgive me,” he said.
    “Always, you are forgiven any sins…” Anna fought hard to control the break in her voice. “Surrender your will to Gott and you will journey to heaven. You will see Mamm again and be at peace.”
    “That is what I needed to hear, now I am free to share my shame,” he said and then let out a long sigh.
    Anna squeezed his hand afraid that he had gone and her own heart seemed to stop in sympathy. Her hands shook and tears ran down her face, but then she noticed him take a breath. Joy replaced despair and she leaned forward and listened to his chest: his breathing was steady, he was simply asleep. She left the room and walked into Samuel’s arms. He pulled her close.
    “It is Gott’ s will,” he whispered into her hair.
    “You need to fetch the familye ,” Anna said. “I do not think he has long.”
    Samuel gave her a last hug and she watched him walk away, taking some of her strength with him. He would harness the horse and drive to all their kin