hand of a warrior are children born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.
- Psalm 127:3-5
Chapter One
You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.
– Psalm 18:28
“It’s a girl,” Martha Byler said in her practical tone as she handed Anna the tiny pink wrapped bundle.
“A girl,” Anna repeated and joy replaced her exhaustion as she took hold of her baby for the very first time. Her hands were shaking, her breath still came in short, sharp, gasps, but the pain was less now. Still, as she held the delicate bundle, she knew it was all worthwhile. The worries, the pains, and the heartaches they had been through these last six years were forgotten as she clutched onto the blankets. This miracle of life was hers, her baby. Joy was like a physical force as it replaced the hopes and prayers that had been a constant in her life. No one had seen the desperation they felt, the despair at every hurdle, but here they were on the other side and everything they wanted was now theirs.
“ Denke Gott ” she whispered, as tears of elation welled up in her eyes.
The happiness this tiny bundle elicited was almost spiritual in its intensity. The pink blanket was warm and soft to the touch. Carefully she peeled away at the swaddling to peer at her baby, and despite her exhaustion, as she lifted her head from the pillow, she could almost see.
“Anna,” Samuel’s voice was gentle but insistent.
It seemed so far away and she wanted to ignore him. This was what they had been wanting, this was right. Pulling the blanket down just a little, she raised her head. More than anything she wanted to see, to look at her baby, after all this time. Her eyes opened wide in anticipation of that first look and she held her breath. At last she would meet their daughter.
A hand shook her shoulder and she jolted upwards and took her first glance. The blanket was empty, there was nothing there, and a black fear filled the room with darkness.
“Wake up, Sweetie,” Samuel whispered into her ear.
Anna opened her eyes with a start and the feeling of loss was intense. Where was her baby? She looked around the room and then felt the reassuring bump of her belly. It was just a dream. She was still five weeks before her due date.
“What is it?” she asked rubbing her eyes and bringing herself fully awake.
“Are you okay?” Samuel replied and he placed a hand on her head. It was so large it covered her face, as he gently checked her for fever.
“Just a dream,” she said holding his huge hand with her tiny one. She gave it a gentle squeeze for comfort. “It was so nice I didn’t want to wake.”
“Was it about the boppli ?”
“ Jah , I had her in my arms. I was just about to see her face when some oaf of a man woke me.”
Samuel laughed. “Soon my love, soon you will hold her… or him. Now I hate to wake you but it’s Abe, your Daed is asking for you.”
Anna was instantly awake. If he asked for her in the night, then it must be bad. “ Denke, for waking me. Now you get some sleep, it will soon be morning and we have a busy day ahead.”
“I will stay here,” Samuel said his voice reassuring but gentle, “because he wanted to talk to you alone. But I will be awake in case you need me.”
Anna kissed him on the cheek and tugged his short beard. “You may have to give me a hand,” she said. The weight of her bump was making it difficult to get off the bed.
Samuel pulled her to her feet and into a hug. “I’m here if you need me,” he said.
Anna took a gas lamp and headed out of the bedroom and into the hall. Shadows chased behind her, but it was not those that stroked cold fingers down her spine. She knew that one day soon it would be his last and her heart wanted to break. “Please Gott let him see my baby born,” she asked, but she knew in her heart that it would not happen and