Hair in All The Wrong Places by Andrew Buckley Read Free Book Online Page A

Colin and stormed out of the bathroom muttering. “They’re all idiots, ignorant idiots, all of them.”
    This day cannot get any worse. Or weirder.

    After lunch and third period French, Colin’s day did somehow manage to get much worse and a lot weirder. Jeremy had opted for Spanish as his foreign language, so Colin normally sat alone in French class. For today, Madame Frontier suggested they take part in group conversations, quickly splitting the class into three small groups of five students each. Colin got stuck with Kevin Hadfield, who was more interested in doodling in his biology textbook. The goth twins and Becca were also in his group, which was the only bright shining point in an otherwise scary and crappy day.
    â€œColin, are you feeling okay? You didn’t look well earlier,” asked Becca, sounding concerned.
    â€œHe always looks like that,” said Kevin. “It’s called ugly, and it’s not curable.”
    Nathan and Micah simply stared at Colin.
    â€œYeah, I feel better. Just a dizzy spell.”
    â€œWhy don’t you have your glasses today?” said Becca.
    Why does everyone notice that today? Yesterday I could have come to school naked and painted purple, and no one would have noticed a thing.
    â€œI got contacts,” said Colin quickly.
    â€œYou have nice eyes.”
    â€œYou have nice eyes,” mimicked Kevin in a whiny voice.
    Micah and Nathan still hadn’t blinked.
    â€œAre you guys okay?” inquired Colin to the twins. They continued staring.
    â€œEveryone should be speaking French. Remember your pronunciations,” trilled Madame Frontier.
    â€œThey must like your eyes too, Colin,” sneered Kevin. “How are those ribs today. Heard you took a nasty tumble during detention?”
    â€œNo, they’re good. You must have heard wrong. Or maybe you’re just such a moron that you have no concept of reality,” Colin shot back. “Maybe your chronic stupidity is getting the better of you and soon you’ll take that final step to becoming nothing more than a drooling vegetable.”
    What am I doing?
    Becca stared open-mouthed. The twins looked ill. Kevin didn’t know what to say; he just stared.
    â€œUh, sorry,” said Colin. “I don’t know what came … uh … over me.”
    â€œNo, come on, Colin. Tell me more,” spat Kevin. “You were up to the part where I’m a drooling vegetable.”
    The headache was back again. Colin’s vision began to swim, and he put his head down and rubbed his temples.
    What is wrong with me?
    He wanted to lash out, tell Kevin exactly what he thought about him.
    You’re an idiot, a lackey, a lowlife coward who hides behind Gareth Dugan because you don’t know how to look after yourself. You’re a follower, a sheep, and not a smart sheep, the dumbest possible sheep you could ever imagine. And you smell. You smell like old farts and engine oil. That’s what I think of you.
    That’s what he wanted to say but of course he wouldnever say that out loud.
    â€œSo I’m a dumb, stinking sheep, am I?” said Kevin.
    â€œWait, what?” said Colin.
    â€œI’m sure he didn’t mean that, Kevin,” Becca hastily reassured him. “Tell Kevin you didn’t mean that, Colin.”
    I didn’t say that out loud, did I?
    â€œI’m going to tear you apart, Strauss. As soon—”
    â€œWait, you heard me? Just now? But I didn’t say—”
    Oh, Colin. Why are you doing this?
It was Becca’s voice, but her lips hadn’t moved.
    The smell. Can’t take the smell. It’s getting worse.
Micah’s voice!
    Colin looked around the class as fire burned through his brain. He could hear everyone, not just their voices, but their thoughts! All jumbled together in a horrible mess. Talking about food, French class, dating, clothing, TV shows, next period, last period, goats, Tori’s