Haul A** and Turn Left by Monte Dutton Read Free Book Online

Earnhardt Jr.’s 2003 victory at Phoenix International Raceway, a “mystery woman” walked to the window outside the media center, banged on the window to get Junior’s attention, and proceeded to lift up her T-shirt and expose herself to the race winner.
    When the resulting clamor subsided, Earnhardt Jr. leaned toward the microphone and noted, “I guess the demographic of this sport is changing.”

    “We found about eight different ways to go the same speed.”
    —KURT BUSCH
    after practice and qualifying at Richmond in 2002

    “They’re going to have to come in here and bulldoze the place.”
    —RUSTY WALLACE
    complaining about New Hampshire International Speedway

N ASCAR president Mike Helton, upset with Kurt Busch in 2003, revoked the young driver’s “hard card,” which didn’t have any formal effect. It did, however, force Busch to stand in line each week at the credential stand and wait for a while after each of the season’s final races so that he could turn in his “pape credentials” to Cup Series director John Darby.
    In short, it was the equivalent of having Busch stay after school to write “I must not misbehave in class” several hundred times on a blackboard.

R etired air force general Tom Sadler, head of Speedway Children’s Charities, told a Texas Motor Speedway crowd of 180,000 that American troops were fighting in Iraq “to defend the Second Amendment.”
    That particular amendment deals with the right to bear arms. The National Rifle Association is a generous contributor to Speedway Children’s Charities.
    Most would concede that Americans’ right to bear arms was pretty clear in Iraq.

    “The thing about an accident is that if you miss an accident by just an inch, it never happens. Sometimes the accident that could do you in, you don’t even know about.”
    —JACK ROUSH

    “If Richard [Childress] is satisfied and the people around me who need to be satisfied are satisfied, the rest of it really doesn’t matter. That’s the biggest thing that I had to understand: You can’t make everyone happy.”
    —KEVIN HARVICK

    “I really ain’t doing much, just turning left every once in a while.”
    —DALE EARNHARDT JR.
    explaining four straight victories at Talladega

    “Safety is a moving target.”
    —JEFF BURTON

W hen NASCAR officials failed to throw a red flag—which would have brought the race to a temporary halt and improved the chance of a full-speed finish—at the end of the 2002 Pepsi 400 at Daytona, backstretch fans responded by hurling thousands of pieces of debris—programs, beer cans, plastic cups, and the like—onto the track while the cars slowly completed the final few laps.
    Michael Waltrip mistakenly thought the fans were saluting his victory.

    “Nothing has changed, but yet this year is totally different.”
    —BOBBY LABONTE

    “I make a habit of getting myself in trouble. When I don’t self-inflict the wounds, they come to me anyway.”
    —TONY STEWART

E ight cars in the 2002 Tropicana 400 at Chicagoland Speedway carried paint schemes devoted to the Muppets. Sponsors planned to have entertainers in Muppets costumes touring the grounds on race day, that is, until the speedway’s president at the time, Joie Chitwood III, decreed that any Muppets showing up on the property would be arrested.
    Apparently Chitwood felt that the speedway should be paid for allowing Muppets at the track.
    Even in an age of security concerns, few people anticipated a day when someone could go to jail for “aiding and abetting a Muppet.”

A fter a 2002 race in Bristol, Tennessee, a female fan claimed Tony Stewart pushed her out of his way. When a local sheriff got wind of it, he sent five deputies to Richmond, Virginia (the next race), to investigate the case and brought Stewart before a grand jury to face potential assault charges.
    Yes, the sheriff was running for reelection at the time.

    “If you pass after the caution flag, you’re suscepting yourself to a