Have No Shame by Melissa Foster Read Free Book Online Page A

dinner.” My father sat in his readin’ chair by the front door watchin’ David Brinkley on the evenin’ news on our small black and white television.  He motioned to Jake to turn it off as soon as I came in. I usually didn’t notice that small shelterin’ act. I was so used to it, it was like the white noise of a fan. Today it stood out like a sore thumb and I resented Daddy for the first time in my life. I heard Mama washin’ dishes in the kitchen, and guilt settled around my grumblin’ resentment toward Daddy for thinkin’ he could keep me from knowin’ what’s goin’ on in the world. Between the guilt and the resentment, I felt strangled, and struggled to maintain my sense of normalcy within my family.
    “Yes, sir. I’m sorry. I was out for a walk.” I looked down at the worn hardwood beneath my feet and concentrated on the uneven lines between the boards.
    “Your mother said she didn’t see you after you came back from your visit with Jimmy Lee today. Everything alright?” he asked.
    I lifted my eyes and took in Daddy sittin’ in his favorite upholstered chair. Daddy worked long days, and by this time of night everything looked slightly askew, from his dirty, gray t-shirt to his five o’clock shadow which grew in uneven patches of blond and brown. His hair had an indentation all the way around from the baseball cap he favored when he was out in the sun, like a halo had slipped and gotten stuck in his thick, buttery hair. 
    Jake turned off the television, sat back down on our plaid couch, and put an open textbook in his lap. His knuckles were black and blue. He noticed my gaze, and tucked them under his book. Workin’ on a farm, Daddy and Mama wouldn’t think anything about Jake’s bruised knuckles. I knew better. Jake raised his eyebrows, as if he were challengin’ me to reveal what he’d done. I smirked in return, contemplatin’ my answers. Yes, I met a colored man and don’t understand why I shouldn’t talk to him. Or, I could go with somethin’ a bit more detailed, Jimmy Lee made me do somethin’ I didn’t want to, so I hid from Mama, and met a man who I know I’m not allowed to talk to, but I sure want to. Or, I could expose Jake for what he must’ve done. I wondered how Daddy might react if he knew Jake had caused his farmhand not to show up for work, though I secretly feared that Daddy might praise him for what he’d see as an indiscretion. Instead, I went with a safe answer.
     “Yes, Daddy. It was just such a nice night that, after Jimmy Lee dropped me off, I went for a walk. I won’t miss dinner again. I’m sorry.”
    “It’s not a problem. Just makin’ sure you’re okay,” he answered.
    Mama walked out from the kitchen, wipin’ her hands on a dishtowel. Mama, Jake, and I had the exact same shade of blond hair, like cornhusks kissed by the sun. Tonight hers was swept away from her face with a red and white paisley scarf. She looked beautiful, even if tired. I waited for my reprimand, and when she didn’t chide me for missin’ dinner, I wondered how so much could have changed in the span of just a few hours.  I guessed that holdin’ Mama’s secret had a few benefits that I was only beginnin’ to discover.
    “Maggie’s comin’ home,” she said with a wide grin.
    “When? Oh, Mama, can I go to get her at the train station with you, please?”  I begged.
    “Settle down, Pix,” Daddy said. “She’s not comin’ until Friday, and your mama will be needin’ you to help her prepare supper.”
    “But Daddy, I can miss—”
    “Now, now. You’ll help your mama, just like always. Jake’ll go with me.”
    I bit back my frustration. I no longer wanted to be treated like a child. The world was out there and I’d had a taste of understandin’ what I hadn’t cared enough to even think about before findin’ poor Mr. Bingham. Doesn’t that count for somethin’? I had to remind myself that, for Mama and Daddy, nothin’ had changed. Mama might have shared her