Have No Shame by Melissa Foster Read Free Book Online

to escape her secret. I wondered what she was thinkin’ at that moment. What would happen if Daddy knew? How long had she been talkin’ to that woman? What started it?  Why on earth did she trust me with such a volatile secret?
    “You okay?” Jackson asked.
    I looked down at my hands, clenched into fists around the edge of my skirt. “Um, yeah,” I said. “I’m just thinkin’, that’s all.”
    “I got way too much time to think when I’m away.”
    I nodded, not knowin’ how to respond to his comment. “How is your aunt?” I watched him carefully, wonderin’ if he’d get mad or lie to me.
    “She’ll be leavin’ after the funeral. Run out of town.” He stood and walked a few paces back toward my house, shakin’ his head.
    I watched each determined step, hopin’ he was not goin’ back. There was still so much I wanted to know. The muscles in his back constricted beneath his uniform. I hurried after him.
    “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t pry, I’m sorry.”
    He stopped walkin’. “It’s not you. It’s this whole thing, this town. I come back to be with my family and my uncle is dead, my brother is beaten to a pulp—”
    I ached for his pain, and touched his arm out of instinct and empathy. His muscles tightened beneath my fingers. I pulled back.
    “I’m sorry.”
    “Don’t you see?” his voice rose. “You touch me and we both freeze.”
    I stepped back. “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean anything by it.”
    “It shouldn’t matter if you did. Don’t you see that? We can’t talk because our skin is different. It’s crap. I have seen the other side. I’ve been places where I can talk to white folks. I come back here and it’s like travelin’ back in time. It may not be easy or perfect in other cities, but it’s not—” He drew his arm wide, like he was presentin’ the fields beyond where we stood. “It’s not like this.”
    I had no idea what to say, and until that week, I wouldn’t have ever agreed with him. But now, everything had changed. My feelin’s about colored people had changed, and along with that came my inability to accept everything Daddy said as bein’ right.
    “I agree with you. It shouldn’t matter.”
    “What?” His eyes grew wide.
    “I agree with you. I mean, I’m embarrassed to say it, but I didn’t used to. I was taught what everyone else ‘round here was taught, that coloreds and whites don’t interact—unless they’re workin’ for you. But I’ve been thinkin’ about everything. You know, coloreds and whites…and it just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.” I turned my back to him, ashamed and angry. “Findin’ your uncle changed me. I see everything differently now. When I found him, I wanted to know who his family was, and why he had to die.” I didn’t recognize the self-confidence in my own voice, and no matter how firmly I spoke, the words themselves surprised me. “He was a person. His family, your family—they matter.”
    Jackson walked toward me, each step a force of its own. I stumbled backward. He spoke through gritted teeth. “You want to know why he died? Because some white jackass wanted to sleep with my aunt, and she was too afraid to say no.” His nostrils flared with anger.
    He stood so close that I could feel his warm breath on my nose. His chest rose and fell, inches from mine.  “You have no idea what it’s like.”
    Time stood still. We stood like that for several minutes, listenin’ to each other huff our frustrations away. Eventually he turned away, his shoulders rolled forward. I was too frightened to speak, though, strangely, I was not afraid of him. I was scared for the pain and anger that his family had endured.
    “Tell me,” I said quietly.
    The air around us was quiet, save for the trickle of the creek and the rustlin’ of leaves.
    I bit my lower lip, hopin’ that I wasn’t pushin’ him too far. “Tell me what it’s like for you and your family. I want to understand.”

Chapter Five
    “You missed