Heart Matters by tani shane Read Free Book Online Page B

smile touched Adam’s boyishly,
handsome features. “I sure hope so!”
    She hung her head to hide the feeling of
uncertainty that suddenly hit her like a wave. What if even after
their marriage she continued to have this aversion to giving
herself up physically to Adam? She shrugged the worrisome thought
away. “This won’t happen once we’re married. I promise. I won’t
push you away.”
    “Oh, all right!” He rose impatiently and
strode out of her bedroom. As an afterthought he turned with a key
in his hand. “I guess you had better keep this with you. I’m not
sure I can trust myself anymore.”
    Jessica rose tying the strings of her
nightdress and drew on her night gown. “Please keep it, Adam. I trust you.” As if to confirm her statement she moved up to
him and tip toed to kiss his mouth. “I love you, Adam, you know
that don’t you?”
    He regarded her with uncertain eyes before
letting out a small laugh. “Yea, babes, I know you love me.” He
dropped a chaste kiss on her lips before pushing her back gently.
“Now get back in bed before I change my mind.”
    She laughed at his jest but all the same
headed for her bed to draw the cool sheets over her. “Good night,”
she whispered, “And thank you.”
    He said nothing but left the apartment
immediately. Jessica waited till the sound of his footsteps faded.
Then she got out of bed and placed a safety lock on the front door.
She felt a bit guilty doing it but she couldn’t help it.
    She had known Adam Warring for almost six
months now and she knew he was very passionate by nature. She also
knew that his kind of passion terrified her but she loved him. They
had met at a fashion show that was organized by the company Adam
was working for. He was their publicity manager and when he showed
a personal interest in her she wasn’t surprised. They had dated
regularly ever since but Adam had not pushed her for physical
intimacy. She had told him her apprehensions and apart from an
intimate kiss now and then, he had kept his distance. Even after
she had given him the key to her house, Adam had proven he was
trustworthy.
    That's why tonight he had scared her. She
had never imagined he would lose his self-control and try to force
her into lovemaking. An uneasy thought crept up her mind. Was it
all her fault? Was she driving Adam a bit too far? She was aware
most women she knew gave in easily to their sexual urges but she
couldn’t do the same. Maybe she really was “a frigid lass out of
the Puritan age” as one of her dates in Paris had accused her. If
it were true then obviously Adam would be frustrated.
    Jessica sat on her bed drawing her knees
close to her chest. She couldn’t help the way she felt about
physical intimacy. Almost eight years had passed since that
unfortunate evening with Jake Wallace and the memory still sent
shudders down her spine. There were several nights when she would
wake up screaming because of nightmares of Jake raping her and then
visions of Mark’s lovemaking would surface and soothe her back to
sleep.
    Strangely, it was almost as if it wasn’t
Jake’s memory that trapped her but Mark’s. If she closed her eyes,
she could still feel him around her. She could feel his lips on her
skin, his strong arms enveloping her in a warm embrace, his heady,
male fragrance all but drowning her. And she could feel him in her,
loving her as a man really should. It was this lingering memory
that she held on to and it was something she couldn’t part with. Or
rather didn’t want to part with.
    Her aversion to physical contact with men
was a wall she wasn’t sure she could ever scale. She had not
allowed any man to come near her after Mark and though she had
several male friends over the years, no one had succeeded beyond a
few kisses.
    Adam had been different from the start. He
was fun to be with and patient with her. He did manage to get a
placid response from her for his kisses but the ice had still not
thawed. She respected him for his