Hell Bent by Emma Fawkes Read Free Book Online Page B

fact, other than the idea that he might want to fuck me, I can’t think of why he would come. After last night, he probably will never speak to me again. I think about how this makes me feel, and I have to be frank that I am not happy with the thought.
    To be honest with myself, I am sort of looking forward to the wedding and seeing him again. I know it will be the one and only time, and that nothing will happen, but still it feels like being a Cinderella and looking forward to the ball.
    He is really awesome looking, I admit to myself. The neck of his shirt shows the tattoos on his chest well. I feel the desire to unbutton that shirt and look all the way down to his…ankles, I finish my thoughts. Why am I so brazen? I never do things like that. And—I don’t even need a guy!
    I keep my mind on business and throw away the bottle as I head up to the floor. The ward is almost empty; most everyone is discharging, and the night influx has yet to begin. I begin to inspect the rooms, looking for housekeeping assignments and, quite frankly, a quiet place alone to think.
    I begin to think about the wedding I have always wanted for myself. There’s no reason to think about a wedding just now, but for some reason it is hammering my brain.
    I don’t think I ever want to get married…but if I do (and a girl can fantasize now and again, right?), I want a wedding in a meadow. I want only the witnesses to attend, and there will be no chairs. I hope the day is warm and I can hear orioles nearby; the grass is waving in the breeze, and the sun is the only makeup on my face. Just him, the minister, the witnesses, and I…and God. All natural and honest. That is the way a marriage should begin. With absolute honesty.
    I clamp the thoughts out of my brain. They only hurt because I know this is something that will not happen in my future. I am here for a purpose, and it includes Milly—that much is plain. No one else, though. Just Milly and me. She needs someone to take care of her when her lymphoma comes back, and I will be there.

Chapter Nine
Susie
    M y watch vibrates , telling me that it’s time to close out my shift. The elderly man in the bed before me is closing out his entire life soon, so I linger a bit longer to relay some supportive words.
    “Are you comfortable, Mr. Whitney?” I ask, and he nods slightly.
    He has little strength remaining, and the realization that he can even acknowledge what I’m saying is surprising to me. I squeeze his hand, passing along a bit of reassurance that he is not entirely alone, even if he is. I wonder what it will feel like to grow old and die, to be alone and fading in a hospital bed somewhere. I know I will be alone because I have no intention that it will be otherwise.
    I tuck the blankets around his spindly legs a bit snugger and bend to kiss him on the cheek, even though it’s against the rules. Rules are meant to be broken, I think as I leave and head to the nurses’ station to sign out. Even my rules.
    I am heading out the revolving door of the hospital and notice that there is rain coming in. The sky is no longer a flat canvas of light blue, but has taken on a turbulent shade of dark blue-gray, textured against a wall of black. I start down the steps, tapping them lightly with my toes to create a familiar rhythm of descent. I try to make it a joyous sound, as if to erase the sorrow and pain that remains behind.
    I pass the rows of reserved parking spaces for physicians and short-term guests and finally arrive at the employee lot. The wind is rising suddenly, and I love the feel of it in my hair. I adore violent weather, and the anticipation is the best part. I think it’s the idea that no matter how powerful man feels he is, there will always be a higher power to which he must answer. The evidence of this is now beginning to drop water in what feel like real buckets upon my head.
    I pull open the door of my VW, glad for this once that it is so ancient as to discourage thieves, so