Here With Me by Heidi McLaughlin Read Free Book Online

nerve when I saw her tongue inch out so slowly to taste the raspberry and chocolate that waited for her. I knew in that moment, that I’d kiss her. I just didn’t expect it to be as earth shattering as it was. For the first time my heart was beating and it was all because of her.
    “How did you feel when you enlisted?”
    I stretch out my legs in front of me. I glance at the clock and notice I’ve only been here for fifteen minutes. It seems like an hour has passed. My time should be up. I should be standing and walking out, never to see this lady again. Instead, she’s seated across from me with her hands folded neatly on top of her desk. Her posture is relaxed and that’s meant to be comforting. I’m anything but.
    Her question takes me by surprise, and it’s something I love talking about. I’m proud to serve my country, always have been. Even in light of what I’ve learned this past week, I’m still serving.
    “I was excited. I had looked at various colleges for about a year. I had a few scholarship offers, but I never felt a connection with any of them. My dad wasn’t too thrilled that I had decided to enlist. I think he thought I’d go to college since Nate was heading off to the Navy. I had always been more into sports while Nate was always learning from my dad. I got the impression when I enlisted that he thought I was trying to steal Nate’s thunder.”
    “Why do you think that was?”
    I lean my head back slightly and close my eyes. Telling my father that I was enlisting in the Navy did not go over well. Nate had broken the news first, and I saw how happy my dad was. I thought for sure he’d accept my decision to enlist as well. Only he didn’t. When I said the word ‘enlist’ he frowned, and when I said ‘Navy’, he downright grimaced. It was only after his passing did I learn that he wanted me to play ball in college and thought I was wasting my talent. That, coupled with the fact that I had chosen the same path as Nate, meant that he was none too happy with me. He wanted something different for me.
    “It was Ry’s dad who sold me on the military. They were having a barbeque and he had some buddies there. Her dad was Army, but never favored one branch over the other. He was always very accepting. I sat and listened to their stories and just became mesmerized. One of them hinted that he was a little more than Special Forces. He detailed the history of this unit and everything that they did, and I could see myself jumping out of planes in the middle of a firefight. I could see myself serving the people we were trying to protect. I wanted that thrill, that danger, but I didn’t want to wait. One suggested the Navy and mentioned the SEALs, saying you can go to school after basic. That’s what I wanted.”
    I look down at my leg and tap my thumb and forefinger against the crease in my slacks. Everything back then seemed so simple. Sign my name on the dotted line and serve my country. My goal was to make a name for myself, marry Ryley and raise a family.
    “Evan?”
    I look up at the sound of my name being called. I clear my throat and sit up. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I zoned out.”
    “Care to share what you were thinking about?”
    I shake my head, my lips pursing. Some of these memories, they’re painful. It makes me miss everything that’s happened in Ryley’s life these past six years. I know it’s not possible to miss something you didn’t have or know about, but I do. I want to be fresh in her memories, and right now I’m nothing but a ghost.
    “Your father died in combat, correct?”
    My eyes move toward the window – the same window that I know Ryley stood at earlier and watched as I sat on the park bench. Even from a distance, I could see the anguish she was going through because of me. Too many times I stood with the intent of just leaving, anything to ease the pain I’ve caused, but I can’t walk away, not now. Ryley and I didn’t do anything wrong in this fucked up