way.
“What
do you want it to mean?” Waiting for her to answer was a new form of torture,
but she didn’t shy away, didn’t avert her gaze. For that he had a bit of hope
that she wouldn’t tell him that this was a nice fuck but that it was nothing
more than that.
“I’d
like it to mean that you and I can give a go at this, Ace, that maybe we can be
together.”
Her
words caught him off guard slightly, and he felt his heart start to beat hard
and fast.
She
bit her lip, and he reached out and pulled the flesh out from under her
straight white teeth. “But I am also realistic.” She didn’t allow him time to
respond. “You have a past that haunts you still, torments you. As much as I
want to help you, I don’t know if I can be everything you need and want, even
if I desperately want you, Ace.”
He
hated she felt like that. “You’re the only woman, the only person, who has ever
made me feel whole, Lauren. Without you in my life I’d lose it.”
“I
want to be with you, Ace. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can
remember.” She smiled and lifted her hand to cup his cheek. “We can take one
day at a time.”
He
closed his eyes, nodded, and knew this woman owned him, every part of him. She
stepped away, and the few seconds of silence that filled the air had a plethora
of emotions covering her face. He heard her swallow, but when she stepped away
another inch he didn’t try to keep her close. He noticed she was searching the
ground, and he didn’t want her away from him. Damn, he already felt like a
needy bitch, but where Lauren was concerned she really did mean everything to
him.
“One
day at a time, Lauren,” he said and pulled her closer by grabbing her hand.
She
rested her head on his chest, and he placed a hand on the back of her head.
“One
day at a time, Ace.”
Yeah,
because that’s all they could do, but damn would he savor every fucking minute
of it.
****
Ace
looked up at the metal and glass building right in front of him, stared at the
sign right above the front doors that said it was the Cooper Morris
Professional Building, and felt himself start to go
all twitchy. He was really going to do this, really going to go in and see a
psychologist after all these years. He clenched his hands at his sides,
breathed out slowly through his mouth, and grabbed the door handle. After
pulling it open and making his way inside, he located which floor the
therapist’s office was on and headed up there. He could do this, not because he
thought he needed it, but because he wanted to better himself for Lauren.
Stepping
into the elevator he leaned back against the mirrored wall, grabbed onto the
railing, and just as the doors were about to close a man in a suit stepped in.
He saw Ace, his eyes widening for a second, and then he moved all the way to
the opposite end of the confined box. The doors slid shut, and Ace saw the way
the guy glanced at him again, tightening his hand on the strap of his suitcase.
That
had Ace smirking, not because he was particularly pleased the guy was clearly
afraid of him, but because he wasn’t that scrawny kid anymore that got picked
on at grade school because of his size and shitty home life, or the same kid
that got daily beatings from his father. He could handle himself, didn’t let
anyone ever lay their hands on him again unless he wanted it, and that was the
only therapy he ever needed.
The
doors slid open, and the guy stepped out. Ace should just leave and go work
out, because that’s what cleared his head. But just as he was about to push the
button to take him to the lobby he thought twice. If he wanted to make a
relationship work with Lauren then he had to try to talk to a professional and
see if it helped at all.
He
got off the elevator, checked in, then sat in the too small chair across from
the receptionist’s desk. The girl behind the counter watched him, smiled a
little, but he wasn’t interested in anyone aside from his Lauren. Hell, it
Learning to Kill: Stories