Hoarder by Armando D. Muñoz Read Free Book Online

at first, and willing to negotiate.
    “I need half of those,” Missy demanded.
    That Cutter woman had dared to laugh at her. Then Mrs. Cutter went on and on about her coupon counting and her shelf clearing rights, and to Missy, it all went in one ear and blew right out her butthole; it was all the same sound to her. Missy knew what kind of bird Mrs. Cutter was. Cheap! Cheap!
    “I got first dibs. It’s store policy,” Missy announced with authority. She grabbed the binder overflowing with coupons out of Mrs. Cutter’s basket and threw it on the floor. Coupons scattered like confetti.
    “I hope you enjoy Missy’s Omelet!” Missy gloated. “They’re on special today, and you don’t even need a coupon!”
    Mrs. Cutter tended to the fallen coupons like they were a fallen child, and she let loose a tirade of dirty words that Missy was too much of a lady to repeat. With Mrs. Cutter’s cart unattended, Missy grabbed the handle and pushed her Red away, leaving her own cart with the tabloids behind.
    When Mrs. Cutter caught up with Missy in the front aisle, there was nearly a catfight between the birds. The store manager had to break it up, and because Missy was the longtime customer on a first name basis, she was granted the Fruit Punch Prize. Missy threw a “Cheap! Cheap!” over her shoulder as she went back to her serious business of shopping.
    Three minutes later, nobody saw Mrs. Cutter in the home supplies aisle, lighting the EZ-Lite Logs with a fireplace lighter, both items on sale when bought as a pair. The logs lived up to their name.
    When Missy saw the smoke rising from Aisle 8, she pushed her cart with urgency toward the nearest empty checkout lane. She reached out and grabbed about a half dozen bags of chips (all on sale) without slowing. Missy didn’t have time to restock the tabloids she had left in her first cart, but that was okay because tonight’s television schedule would keep her occupied.
    Missy didn’t have to see who started the fire to know who was responsible. She hoped Mrs. Cutter cooked her goose good in that barbeque. Preferably overdone.
    Missy barked at the cashier to check her out faster, while the cashier’s concern was on the smoke and self-preservation. Missy even pitched in and bagged the bottles of Red and bags of chips as fast as the cashier could scan them. Then the fire alarm went off and the manager’s voice boomed over the PA, ordering an immediate cease to all sales and a nice and orderly evacuation.
    Missy was not going to be denied her yummy-yummy snacks, which were her God given right. She grabbed the plastic bag handles and shouted at the cashier before he could halt the sale.
    “I.O.U.!”
    Missy flew the coop with the other shoppers, who were not leaving in a nice and orderly fashion as they’d been instructed.
    Fire trucks and police cars were pulling into the lot as Missy headed for her car, carrying her grocery bags in triumph. She thought the rotating red and blue lights were pretty-pretty, but she wasn’t going to stick around and voice her suspicion on the fire’s cause. Missy had gotten what she wanted, as she was entitled, and Mrs. Cutter hadn’t bought squat. Why, Mrs. Cutter could kiss her high turned tail feathers!
    Missy had been in a rush to leave, and while she had gotten her snacks, she had forgotten to get cat food. She figured that was okay, she’d have to go to the store again soon, assuming it was still standing, to stock up on everything she missed tonight. Missy didn’t realize that she had been coming up with excuses for forgetting to buy cat food for over three months straight, a new record.
    Missy was suddenly eager to get home, her thwarted hours of shopping already forgotten. She was never home during these hours on Tuesday nights, and she was excited to find some new programs on TV that she would normally miss. It would be like a whole new night of television. How awesome was that?
     

     
    Missy never knew what the Mega-Mart staff