Hold On Tight (Take My Hand) by Nicola Haken Read Free Book Online Page A

blah, blah.
But when I explained in detail how it felt to watch Dexter’s mum die he
softened. He went from peed off to oozing concern instantaneously. That was
what made me realise how much I missed him right now.
    Rachel was next and I knew
this call would last a hell of a lot longer and when I dialled her number I
tried very hard not to obsess over how much money it was about to cost me.
Sarah told me not to worry of course, but I wouldn’t have her shelling out for my international phone calls. Especially
when she was on the verge of losing the little assets she had.
    “About fucking time, Ho!”
Rachel greeted me. Unexpectedly my throat closed up and I couldn’t speak past
the sobs wracking through my body. “Emily?” That said it all. She didn’t need
to tell me how panicked I had her, just calling me by my actual name was
enough. “What’s wrong?”
    “I m-miss you,” I
snivelled and I’d never wanted to hug her so badly. “We can’t come home yet,” I
managed to choke out.
    “Why not?” she rushed out,
sounding alarmed. “What’s going on?”
    Sniffing in my tears I
went on to tell Rachel everything that’d happened. I started with the night I
found out about what happened to Dexter’s mum. Then I talked her through the
night she died, the funeral and finally, Dexter’s father. I chose to omit the
night Dexter decided to run off and get wasted. I know Rachel and she’d think I
was taking on too much if she knew the full extent of his past struggles with
addiction. She’d judge him – even if she didn’t come out and say it,
she’d be thinking things I didn’t
want anyone thinking about Dexter.
    “Jesus motherfucking
Christ,” she breathed. “I don’t know what to say.”
    “That’s because there’s
nothing you can say that will make
this any better. Sarah just wants to give up. Give him the house and start over
somewhere else. And if I’m honest, I’m kind of with her.”
    “But Dexter isn’t.” It
wasn’t a question – even though I’d not told her as much.
    “No. And I don’t blame him
– really I don’t. His father is…”
    “A twisted fucker?” Rachel
said for me.
    “Yeah. And I know he
doesn’t deserve to just waltz in and take whatever he wants, but I can’t help
just wanting it to be over. There’s something about him that scares me, and I
don’t just think it’s because of the things I’ve learnt from Dex and Sarah.
It’s the way he stands, the way he looks at you, the way he talks… he frightens
the hell out of me and I just want him to go away. I just want us all to be
able to come home and pretend he doesn’t exist. But… Dexter won’t give in. I
know he won’t. He’s taking it really bad.”
    “Fuck, Emily what the hell
have you gotten into here?” Rachel muttered on a slow exhale and I instantly
retaliated.
    “Are you saying I should
just leave them to it?” I accused, my voice seething. “I didn’t choose to fall in love with him, Rach.
But I did and I will never regret it.
Whether it’s the laughs or the tears, I have never felt more alive since I met
him and I will NOT give up on him!”
    “No, no, no… of course I’m
not saying that. I’m just so fucking worried about you, Ho! About both of you. You know… I actually kind
of like Dexter too… a little… sometimes.” Her tone was softer now and I felt
guilty for snapping. If the roles were reversed, I’d be going insane with worry
about her.
    “I’m sorry,” I relented.
“I’m just stressed out and right now you’re the only one around for me to take
it out on. I wish you were here.” So
badly.
    “This can’t go on forever,
Ho. You’ll get to come home soon I promise.”
    “I hope so.” Wow. I didn’t
realise how well I’d been holding it together until I called Rachel. Hearing
her voice reminded me how uncomplicated life was back in England… and yet I
never appreciated it. So what if my mum barely spoke to me? At least I’ve got
one. So what if my dad just