Holding Her in Madness by Kimber S. Dawn Read Free Book Online

on birth control. Why didn’t you put on a condom?” Her voice is shrill, and I’m having a hard time stringing together the meaning of her words.
    Once they process, I’m confused. Why is God’s name would I ever wear a condom with her? I have a whole wallet full of condoms, but they aren’t coming between us. Hell no!
    “What? No, I...I wasn’t going to use a condom with you. No way in hell, baby.” Is she serious? She isn’t taking anything that just happened between us as serious as I am. It dawns on me that maybe we aren’t on the same fucking page. Shit, we might not even be in the same fucking book.
    “But I’m not on birth control, Leo. What the fuck?” Is she pissed? Fuck, she is. She’s seething pissed.
    “Baby, hey, calm down. You think I’m ever gonna let you go? Especially after what you just gave me? You’re crazy if you think I’m lettin’ you get away,” I whisper, trying to calm her fears. “You’re mine. Do you understand me, baby? Mine. Forever. Period.”
    She needs to know this now. I need her to understand where the fuck I stand with her. She’s mine, dammit. When she chose me to be the one, I chose her—forever.
    She needs to get that I’m not playing fucking games. It may have started off that way, but after what just happened, that’s it. My cards are all turned over. I’m done with the games.
    “Answer me, Lil. Do you understand me?” I’m pleading with her with my eyes and feel fear creeping into my chest. What if she doesn’t feel the same way I feel about her?
    “Yeah, Leo. I understand, baby.” My fear finally calms when I feel her body mold to mine and her hands in my hair, her lips whispering kisses against my mouth.
    I lie back and pull Lil’s body up along my side, tucking her head under my chin, and comb my fingers through her hair.
    Her breathing evens out and sleep pulls her under as I promise her, “I’m not letting you go, Lil. I’ll never let you go, baby.”
    I refuse to sleep with Lil in my arms like this. I don’t want to miss a breath, a moan, not a sleepy dream smile. I don’t want to miss a single thing. So I stay awake all night watching her sleep and memorizing every freckle on the tops of her shoulders, every curve and line of her face and neck, down to the swells and valley of her breasts, all while running my fingers through her long silky hair.
    When the sun peeks through the dingy motel windows the next morning, I whisper against Lil’s hair, “I love you, firecracker. I swear to God, I always will.” Then sleep steals my consciousness.

I realize the next time I see Lil after our first date—if that’s what you can call it—that Lil doesn’t feel for me what I feel for her.
    And it fucking hurts like no other pain I’ve ever felt. It hurts like something wicked, but there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. So I let it ride and play it cool. I keep my fucking mouth shut.
    It’s the following Thursday and she just walked outside. She has a smile across her face and the sun is shining through her hair. It takes everything in me to stay where I’m at and not haul ass over to her and wrap her up in my arms. So instead I light a cigarette and nod her way. “What’s up, Firecracker? You ready for your surprise?”
    Fuck yeah! Just look at her. Watch her.
    She’s comes running towards me and lets out a squeal right before launching her little ass into my arms.
    “What are we doing? I just got Jules down. April said she’d watch her the rest of the day for me. Now tell me! Where are we going?”
    Her legs are wrapped around my waist, her arms around my neck, and she’s leaning back to talk, and with every word, she hops-slash-rocks her hips against mine. It is fucking driving me insane and making my dick hard as fuck.
    “I don’t give away secrets, baby. You gotta learn that shit starting now. And if you don’t stop hopping on my johnson like that, we ain’t gonna make it out of this damn front yard, you hear me?” I