âBelieve it or not, the blizzardâs winding down some.â
âSome. Not a lot.â Kristin switched off the hazard lights, staring into the impenetrable conditions. No cars had passed, except for the emergency vehicles, since theyâd arrived. The road ahead lay like a pristine ribbon of white rolling out of the reach of the headlights. Dangerous driving ahead. Kristin released the hand brake and shifted into low gear.
Ryan unzipped his coat, settling in. âJust tell me if you get too white-knuckled.â
âDonât worry. I can handle it. Belt up and hold on.â Was he a skeptic or what? It had been a long time since sheâd driven anything with more power than her sensible sedan, but she was used to this weather. She hadnât always flown home. Sheâd driven more often than not over the treacherous mountain passes and she was still in one piece. âThis is nothing compared to commuting in Seattle traffic twice a day for more years than I care to count.â
âThatâs what I canât picture. You living in a city. I donât know why. It just doesnât go with the McKaslin image.â
âI wonât say it wasnât a big adjustment when I first moved there. When I went to college, I thought Bozeman was a big city.â
âBozeman?â he asked.
âYeah, I know. Itâs a tiny city compared to someplace like Seattle. I felt lost. Every time I left my apartment I got turned around. Iâd never seen so many streets and roads and freeways in my life.â
âI know how you feltâmoving away from a place with one main street through town, where you know all the roads and shortcuts by heart, to a huge city where the checkers at the grocery store ask for ID because they donât know you, your family, your grandparents and all your cousins by name.â
âSee, thatâs where we differ. I didnât mind living someplace folks didnât know me.â
Ryan leaned the seat all the way back and stretched out his legs as far as he could. Not comfortable, but an acceptable snoozing position. Except thinking about his past made him antsy. As tired as he was, his nerve endings felt as though they were twitching and his muscles felt heavy as lead. His emotions were going every which way. Regret, guilt, grief.
Nothing Kristin would understand. Some people, like her, could go home again. They would always know the warmth of their childhood awaited them, that the ghosts of memories from holidays past were happyones. Not haunted by what should have been, and more failures than the young boy heâd been could cope with.
Or the man heâd become.
He liked to think he wasnât a coward. He faced challenges head-on. Sucked it up and did what needed to be done. He wasnât afraid of hardship or hard work. But some things were best left unexamined. Some memories best left buried. He had a good life, he made a good living, and he loved his work and his practice. What good was having to pick apart a past that only brought pain? That exposed wounds that could never be healed?
No, Kristin didnât look as though sheâd rather be running away instead of heading home. Her delicate profile was brushed by the glow of the dash lights, burnishing her creamy porcelain-fine skin, the feminine line of her nose and the dainty cut of her chin. He supposed her parents would welcome her with open arms, and tomorrow there would be only happiness in her home where her sisters and their families gathered to make new memories for the holidays to come.
He closed his eyes, wondering, just wondering. If he would have turned out the same if his dad had lived instead of withered away in a coma. If the logging truck hadnât crossed the double yellow on the road to town. If, instead of being struck and pinned to the ground beneath a load of logs, Dad had returned home with the ice cream heâd gone to fetch.
God made all things for a