Holy Socks And Dirtier Demons by J.A. Kazimer Read Free Book Online Page B

weapon recoiled,
    sending Lilith flying across the pavement. She hit the ground with a squeak.
    I glanced from Lilith, sprawled unladylike on the ground, to the
    Pishachas. One of the cuter demons wore a watermelon-sized hole in her
    torso, directly below her heart. Blackness seeped from the wound, rising into
    the air like mid-afternoon pollution.
    A wail screeched from the remaining demons, a loud piercing cry of
    grief and hate. I blocked my ears, but the sound bounced around my
    brainpan.
    “Shut up.” From her position on the ground, Lilith fired three more
    rounds. The bullets struck true, but the demons didn’t fall. Instead, they
    moved closer.
    I flipped through my mental good versus evil training manual. A
    manual reluctantly provided by the angel after he arrived at my door, baby
    Jesus in his heavenly arms. Thankfully, Hades had supplemented my reading
    with demon lessons, and booze.
    Let’s see, there was: Paimon, Pazuzu, Penemue, Phenex... Damn, too
    many fucking demons. Too many hangovers.
    Pishachas.
    Bingo.
    Now how did I stop them?
    “Aum Aem Khreem Kleem Chamundaya Vich.” Lilith stumbled to
    her feet as she chanted the words. Her voice grew stronger with each
    incantation, and the demons slowly backed away.
    I translated in my head. The mantra equated to killing ones enemies,
    and bringing great happiness to ones friends.
    Oh, that wasn’t good. A burning started in my lower body, like
    flames licking along my clothing, until an intense pressure inside me
    exploded.
    38

    “Shut the fuck up,” I ordered Lilith seconds before it was too late.
    She stuck out her tongue and repeated the curse, “Aum Aem Khreem
    Kleem Chamundaya Vich.”
    Poof.
    In a puff of curry-based smoke, the demons vanished as quickly as
    they had appeared. But it was too late for me. I fell to the concrete in an
    exhausted heap, my breath coming in short gasps.
    Lilith ran to me, her hands still grasping her big-ass gun. “Are you all
    right?”
    I shook my head, trying to catch my breath as I hovered in the place
    between life and death, better known as the afterglow. My heavy eyes closed,
    and a soft snore escaped my lips.
    Her hands grabbed my shoulders and shook me, hard. “Damn it,
    Jace. Answer me. Are you okay?”
    “Damn it Lilith, don’t ever do that again.” Embarrassment, a new
    feeling for me, heated my face. I hadn’t cum in my pants since fifth grade
    when my eighth grade girlfriend had cupped my nuts at recess.
    “Come on, at least you had a happy ending.” She pulled me to my
    feet, my blood slowly leaking back into my brain. She added, glancing
    around the parking garage, “Besides, the demons are gone, and you’re no
    worse for wear.” Her lips formed a wicked grin. “Maybe you should thank
    me.”
    “Yeah, right. Find the kid and I’ll give you plenty of thanks.” I
    picked up the blue beamed tracking device and followed the intense glow
    down the street.
    39

    Eleven

    Zap. A pulse of electricity shot through my hand, the handheld Jesus
    finder cupped inside of it. The light winked out, and darkness swallowed
    Lilith and me. “What happened?” I asked, my hand slipping to my nine-
    millimeter.
    “He’s here.” Lilith dropped to her knees and caressed the ground.
    “Where? I don’t see shit.” Trash, not Jesus, littered the ground.
    Condoms, needles, and cigarette butts, yes, but no tiny Messiah.
    She cocked her head and sniffed the air. “Do you smell that?”
    I inhaled sharply and smirked. New Baby Jesus smell. A mixture of
    baby puke, carrot sticks, and purity. The kid was close. “Hey kid, where you
    at?”
    No response.
    “J.C., it’s all right, sweetheart. We are here to help you.” Lilith
    circled the sidewalk, kicking at the bushes as if she was searching for a
    wayward cat. Here Messiah, here Messiah.
    “He is gone.” The angel appeared suddenly, looking like he had been
    run over by a truck. “No, a bulldozer if you must know,” he said with a huff.
    “Where did he