Holy Socks And Dirtier Demons by J.A. Kazimer Read Free Book Online

wife, Eve, who—get this—changed her name from Emily so
    they could create a religious empire.”
    “I hear Hebron’s nice this time of year.” I tried for funny, but the
    glare she shot me said I missed the mark. “So if he’s such a prick. Why are
    we here?”
    “Never underestimate the faithful. In this case, I mean the morons
    who hang on Adam’s every word. They are like an army of informants, all
    ready to squeal on thy neighbor at the drop of a hat.”
    “What makes you think they’ll know anything about the kid?”
    She glanced up at me, speaking slowly as if to a child. “What makes
    you think they won’t?”
    My lips tightened. “Before we go any further, you have to promise
    me something.”
    She nodded, looking like a little girl playing dress up, who is not
    quite sure how to walk in high heels.
    “No more answering questions with a question. From now on, when I
    ask you something, I want a straight answer. None of this Zen bullshit.”
    Relief flashed in her eyes. “Whatever you say, Grasshopper.”
    I rubbed my chin, debating just how long a stint I would serve if I
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    strangled her, surely not more than twenty years. Hell, with God as a
    character witness I might get out in ten.
    Beep.
    The desktop computer drew my attention. Lilith tapped a couple
    more keys. “Bingo.” She hit print, and out shot a flyer with the kid’s picture
    on it.
    “Where did you get that?” I pointed to the paper.
    She tossed her black hair and smirked. “I’m more than just a pretty
    face.”
    I took a menacing step toward her.
    “Fine. Social Services. They keep track of all children in foster care,
    especially those places with… less than desirable foster parents.” She
    emphasized the last part for my benefit.
    Like Social Services, I knew just how undesirable a parent I was. Just
    last week, I fed the kid a box of cat chow for dinner. In my defense, cat was
    spelled kat, like kit-kat, so it was a mistake any parent could make.
    “You hacked the foster care computer?” I wondered what else she
    could do. Maybe erase a few traffic tickets?
    “Not really.” Her eyes sparkled. “Adam runs an orphanage, so his
    computer is linked to the mainframe. I just used his username and password
    to get in.”
    “And how did you know his username and password?”
    “BigManlyMan and GodsRightHand. Real tough. I was married to
    the guy after all.” She pushed from the desk, stood, and wandered to the
    puddle of Adam lying on the floor. “Wake up.” She smacked him on the
    forehead, none too lightly.
    “Ahaaaaa.” Adam’s eyes watered, but at least he was conscious.
    “I’m looking for a fourteen-month-old boy, and I need your help.”
    “Fuck you.” He shoved her away.
    Off balance in a pair of six-inch black leather platform boots, Lilith
    teetered before tipping backward onto Adam’s desk. The helpful computer
    flipped off the edge, and crashed onto the floor. Glass shattered and Adam
    shrieked.
    I grabbed Lilith, steadying her before advancing on Adam. He
    labored to his feet, swaying back and forth while gripping his package.
    Being a guy, I felt almost sorry for him. Almost. I smacked my fist
    into his stomach, and he dropped to the floor once more.
    “We’re going to try this again. A child is missing, and you’re going
    to help us find him, or else I’m going to rip you apart.”
    “Who are you?” he wheezed.
    Lilith answered, “Sorry. Adam, you know Nemamiah, the righter of
    injustice, and protector of the innocent. Remember, he destroys evil pricks
    like you who prey on innocence?”
    I choked. That damn name. I raised a questioning eyebrow. If she
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    knew that name, what else did she know? Did she know about the kid? Or
    more importantly, why the hell was the kid given to me for protection? And
    why the fuck everyone believed I was Nemamiah in the first place? I decided
    to play along, acting the angel part even if it dammed me.
    “Now is not the time.” Her eyes bore into my