Hot Summer's Knight by Jennie Reid Read Free Book Online

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    She thought of him standing near the gate, his skin gleaming in the sunlight.  She wanted to know him, to know the feel of his body next to hers, to know the touch of his lips as well as his hand.  She yearned for him.  No-one had made her feel like this, not even her husband.
    Especially not her husband.
    At the thought of her Lord, joined to her by God, by law and by the contracts their fathers had signed, she groaned aloud.  To think she could so easily contemplate breaking her marriage vows!  She was weak-willed, allowing herself to be led astray by the desires of the flesh.
    She prayed to every saint she remembered for the strength to resist the unfamiliar urges shaking her body.  She was still on her knees when Esme found her, hours later, and gently helped her to climb into her bed.
    Esme bathed Berenice’s tear streaked face.
    “Esme,” Berenice whispered, worn out by weeping and prayer, “where would I be without you?  What would I do?”
    “You’d probably cope perfectly well without me, my dear, as you know quite well.  Now, whatever’s happened to get you into this state?  I haven’t seen you this upset since your father died.  You’ll make yourself ill if you’re not careful!”
    “I…” Berenice began, “I was thinking about my husband.”  She couldn’t bring herself to tell her faithful friend all the truth.
    “You were?”
    Berenice was too preoccupied to notice Esme’s slightly hopeful tone.
    “I wasn’t a good wife, Esme.”
    “It was a long time ago, love.  You were very young.”
    “I know I was young, but I didn’t behave towards him as a wife should.”
    “Well, dear, there’s no sense in fretting over it now.”
    “Esme,” said Berenice, sitting up and holding onto to Esme’s arm, “tell me truly, do you believe he’ll ever come back?  Really?”
    “Well, my dear, miracles can happen!  As I always say, you never know what’s around the next corner.”
    “Then I must pray for a miracle, Esme.”  Berenice sighed, and leaning back against the pillows, closed her eyes.
    “You do that, dear, I’m sure.  The good Lord will be listening.”  Esme bustled around the room, picking up discarded clothes, brushing dust from already pristine surfaces.
    “Esme, I don’t think I’ll come to dinner this evening.  Could you bring me something?”
    “Of course, dear.”  Esme, always good natured, was unusually cheerful this afternoon.  Her good humor was beginning to make Berenice feel even worse.
    “Esme,” Berenice whispered from the shadows of the bed, “How long should I wait for him to return?”
    “I don’t know dear, I’m sure.”
    “Was my father right?  Should I give him up for dead, and marry again?”
    “You swore to your father…”
    “I know.”  Berenice’s face was pale as she turned to Esme.  “But what if it never happens?  What if I never know for sure?  Does that mean I have to live the rest of my life, alone?”
    “I can’t answer that for you, my Lady.  You must look into your own heart and soul, if you want to break your oath,” Esme was thoughtful, “but I can tell you one thing.  In my opinion, marriage has got nothing to do with this new idea of standing up in a church in front of a priest.  I’m old enough to remember when a man and a woman could declare their love in front of their families and friends, and it was considered enough of a marriage.
    “God knows what’s in our hearts,” Esme continued, “what do you think is worse, vows made in church with hearts that are false, or two people together, who love each other but have never been near a priest?  I say, leave God to people like your brother, who know how to talk to Him.”
    Berenice had no answer for Esme.  As her friend left the room, she lay back against the pillows.  Sometimes not telling the whole truth was as bad as lying, and she knew she hadn’t admitted everything to Esme.  God was punishing her for her foolish oath to her