Hot Water Music by Charles Bukowski Read Free Book Online Page B

viewpoints and ideals. Besides, it was her house,” said Eric.
    “I think I’ll try one of those beers,” said Gloria. She got up and got into her dress and found a warm beer. Nice looking professor, thought Eric.
    They sat there trying to force the beers down.
    “Anybody for television?” asked Louie.
    “Don’t you dare,” said Gloria.
    Suddenly there was an enormous explosion, it shook the walls.
    “Jesus!” said Eric.
    “What was that?” asked Gloria.
    Louie walked to the door and opened it. They were on the second floor. There was a balcony and the motel was built around a swimming pool. Louie looked down. “You’re not going to believe this but there’s a five hundred pound guy down there in the swimming pool. That explosion you heard was when he jumped intothe water. I never saw a guy so big. He’s enormous. And he’s got someone with him, weighs about four hundred pounds. Looks like his son. Now the son is going to jump in. Hold on!”
    There was another explosion. The walls shook again. Fountains of water leaped out of the pool.
    “Now they’re swimming side by side. What a sight!”
    Eric and Gloria walked to the door and looked out.
    “This is a dangerous situation,” said Eric.
    “What do you mean?”
    “I mean, looking down at all that fat we’re apt to holler something at them. All very childish, you know. But hungover like this anything can happen.”
    “Yeah, I can just see them running up here and pounding on the door,” said Louie. “How are we going to handle nine hundred pounds?”
    “No way, even in good health.”
    “In bad health, no chance at all.”
    “Right.”
    “HEY FAT BOY!” Louie yelled down.
    “Oh, no,” said Eric, “oh no, please. I’m sick…”
    Both of the fat men looked up from the swimming pool. They were both wearing light blue trunks.
    “ Hey, fat boy !” yelled Louie. “ I bet if you farted, you’d blow seaweed from here to Bermuda !”
    “Louie,” said Eric, “there’s no seaweed down there.”
    “ There’s no seaweed down there, fat boy !” yelled Louie. “ You must have sucked it up your ass !”
    “Oh, my god,” said Eric, “I’m a writer because I’m a coward and now I face sudden and violent death.”
    The biggest fat man climbed out of the pool and the smaller one followed him. They could hear them coming up the stairway, plop, plop, plop. The walls shook.
    Louie shut the door and hooked the chain.
    “What has any of this got to do with a decent and abiding literature?” asked Eric.
    “Nothing, I guess,” answered Louie.
    “You and your fucking little mimeo machine,” said Eric.
    “I’m scared,” said Gloria.
    “We’re all scared,” said Louie.
    Then they were at the door. BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM!
    “Yeah?” answered Louie. “What is it?”
    “ Open the fucking door !”
    “There’s nobody in here,” said Eric.
    “ I’ll teach you bastards !”
    “Oh, please do teach me, sir!” said Eric.
    “Now what did you say that for?” asked Gloria.
    “Damn,” said Eric, “I’m just trying to agree with him.”
    “ Open up or I’m coming through !”
    “We might as well make you work for it,” said Louie. “Let’s see what you can do.”
    They heard the sound of flesh straining against the door. They could see the door bend and give.
    “You and your fucking mimeo machine,” said Eric.
    “It was a good machine.”
    “Help me brace this door,” said Eric.
    They stood bracing the door against the massive weight. The door weakened. Then they heard another voice. “ Hey, what the hell’s going on up there ?”
    “ I’m going to teach these punks a lesson, that’s what’s going on !”
    “ You break that door and I’m going to call the police !”
    “ What ?”
    There was one more lunge, then it was quiet. Except for the voices.
    “I’m on parole for assault and battery. Maybe I better go easy here.”
    “Yeah, cool off, you don’t want to hurt nobody.”
    “But they spoiled my swim.”
    “There