How It Is by Samuel Beckett Read Free Book Online Page A

last
    the panting stops I am on my side which side the right it’s preferable I part the
     mouth of the sack and questions what my God can I desire what hunger to eat what was
     my last meal that family time passes I remain
    it’s the scene of the sack the two hands part its mouth what can one still desire
     the left darts in the left hand in the sack it’s the scene of the sack and the arm
     after up to the armpit and then
    it strays among the tins without meddling with how many announces a round dozen fastens
     who knows on the last prawns these details for the sake of something
    it brings out the little oval tin transfers it to the other hand goes back to look
     for the opener finds it at last brings it out the opener we’re talking of the opener
     with its spindle bone handle to the feel rest
    the hands what are the hands at when at rest difficult to see with thumb and index
     respectively pad of tip and outer face of second joint something wrong there nip the
     sack and with remaining fingers clamp the objects against the palms the tin the opener
     these details in preference to nothing
    a mistake rest we’re talking of rest how often suddenly at this stage I say it as
     I hear it in this position the hands suddenly empty still nipping the sack never let
     go the sack otherwise suddenly empty
    grope in a panic in the mud for the opener that is my life but of what cannot as much
     be said could not as much be always said my little lost always vast stretch of time
    rest then my mistakes are my life the knees draw up the back bends the head comes
     to rest on the sack between the hands my sack my body all mine all these parts every
     part
    mine say mine to say something to say what I hear in Erebus in the end I’d succeed
     in seeing my navel the breath is there it wouldn’t stir a mayfly’s wing I feel the
     mouth opening
    on the muddy belly I saw one blessed day saving the grace of Heraclitus the Obscure
     at the pitch of heaven’s azure towering between its great black still spread wings
     the snowy body of I know not what frigate-bird the screaming albatross of the southern seas the history I knew my God the natural the good moments I had
    but last day of the journey it’s a good day no surprises good or bad as I went to
     rest so back I came my hands as I left them I shall lose nothing more see nothing
     more
    the sack my life that I never let go here I let it go needing both hands as when I
     journey that hangs together ah these sudden blazes in the head as empty and dark as
     the heart can desire then suddenly like a handful of shavings aflame the spectacle
     then
    need journey when shall I say weak enough later some day weak as me a voice of my
     own
    with both hands therefore as when I journey or in them take my head took my head above
     in the light I let go the sack therefore but just a moment it’s my life I lie across
     it therefore that hangs together still
    through the jute the edges of the last tins rowel my ribs perished jute upper ribs
     right side just above where one holds them holds one’s sides held one’s sides my life
     that day will not escape me that life not yet
    if I was born it was not left-handed the right hand transfers the tin to the other
     and this to that the same instant the tool pretty movement little swirl of fingers
     and palms little miracle thanks to which little miracle among so many thanks to which
     I live on lived on
    nothing now but to eat ten twelve episodes open the tin put away the tool raise the
     tin slowly to the nose irreproachable freshness distant perfume of laurel felicity
     then dream or not empty the tin or not throw it away or not all that it’s not said
     I can’t see no great importance wipe my mouth that without fail so on and at last
    take the sack in my arms strain it so light to me lay my cheek on it it’s the big
     scene of the sack it’s done I have it behind me the day is well advanced close the
     eyes at last and wait for my pain that with