How Not to Date an Alien by Stephanie Burke Read Free Book Online

himself.
    “Yes, he would love to strip you bare and wash the outside influences from you.
    He is more oral than I so he would slowly lick you from the tiniest toe on your foot to the tips of your blushing ears. He would massage your muscles until you were —”
    “Tender.” Kilana rolled her eyes, but the waiter had his eyes closed, his hips grinding as Valan’s voice filled his ears. It seemed she wasn’t the only one the sex voice affected.
    “Tender,” Valan went on, his voice going deeper as his words seemed to reach out and intimately caress all within listening distance. “Yes. He would want you blissed out and tender before he began to stretch you out, slowly. He is rather meticulous and slow when delivering pleasure. He would want you moaning and clutching at your sheets before he swallowed you whole.”
    The sound that rolled from the waiter’s throat caused a blush to fill Kilana’s face.
    Not because of what had just obviously happened, but because she found herself making similar sounds when in bed with Valan.
    “My name is Robert,” the waiter informed them. “And I think I just… I need to change my pants.”
    “I can smell.” Valan grinned, his voice losing just a touch of that caressing huskiness. “You are very sensitive. My brother will love this. I must send him here to this place to meet you.”
    “You can smell?” Robert’s blush looked almost burgundy, it was so strong.
    “He’s an alien!” Kilana pointed out to Robert the waiter, shaking her head at this whole fiasco.
    “Got to love those foreign dudes,” he panted, fanning himself hard. “They are so loose and free with their desires, not closeted like a lot of men we have running around
    here beating their chests and hiding what they really feel. And the proper term is foreign visitor, hon.”
    Before she could offer a rebuke, Robert reached into his pocket and pulled out, of all things, a business card.
    “Give this to your brother,” he told Valan. “He can get in contact with me any time, day or night. I may want to take him for a drink when he gets into town. Does he have far to travel?”
    “Light years,” Valan reported. “But Vanta loves to travel and will eagerly follow in my footsteps here when I inform him that a treat such as you exists.”
    “Aren’t you a doll?” he gushed. “And don’t worry about your meal. I’ll see to that… after I change. This dinner is on me. Even if you are full of BS, at least I got a quickie out of the deal. Which is more than what the ex was able to give me in recent months.”
    And just like that, the waiter was gone. Valan turned serious. “Why were you out consuming copious amounts of alcohol anyway?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. “It looks to be a dangerous undertaking.”
    “Well,” Kilana sighed, looking down at the table, forgetting Robert the waiter and what he was in store for in the future. After all, she had warned him. “If you must know…”
    “I must, I must.” He leaned forward, genuinely interested.
    That was odd — not that concern was coming from an alien being, but that the hunter was concerned in the first place. She shook her head. The world was indeed a strange place.
    “Well, it was my divorce pity party.”
    “Divorce?” he asked, curiosity making his antennas quiver.
    “Yes.” She stared harder at the table, a frown forming on her face.
    “Who did you leave, or did he leave you?”
    “I did the leaving, buddy,” she snapped, watching as his antennas stood straight up for a moment before dropping down to blend in with his dark hair.
    “I — calmness, please,” he urged, rising to his feet and making his way over to her side of the table. Once there, he proceeded to stand behind her, his fingers gripping her shoulders where he began to massage the knots of tension from her body. “You will undo all of my good work and sour your flavor,” he told her. “Now tell me, who did you leave?”
    “My husband, if you must