How to Twist a Dragon's Tale (Hiccup) by Cressida Cowell Read Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Cressida Cowell
Snotlout's axe collided with Hiccup's shield and instead of bouncing off it, cut into the wood and stuck there.
[Image: Snotlout.]
99
A gleam of delight came into Snotlout's shark-like little eyes.
"KILL THE PIG-NOSTRILLED, JELLYFISH-HEARTED, WART-COVERED BULLY, HICCUP!" shouted Humungous helpfully from the sidelines.
"S-s-scratch his eyes out! Tear his wings off! Go for his h-h-horns!" squealed Toothless, flapping around getting in the way.
"Snotlout! Your axe is real!" shouted Hiccup.
"That's not my fault," snarled Snotlout, "everybody here saw your precious Bardiguard give it to me, so nobody's going to blame me ..." and he yanked at the axe to get it out of Hiccup's shield.
[Image: Hiccup and a dragon.]
Gobber was out of earshot, too busy yelling at Tuffnut Junior --
"THAT IS AN
100
AXE FOR THOR'S SAKE, TUFFNUT, NOT A WOODEN SPOON, NOR A KNITTING NEEDLE ..."
"HUMUNGOUS! HELP!" shouted Hiccup.
"You're doing a great job!" shouted Humungous, giving an encouraging and graceful thumbs-up. "Keep up the good work! I think I saw tears in the Snotty-baby's eyes just then ... Don't forget the Flash-thrust; it works just as well in axe-work."
"ANYONE! HELP!!!!" cried Hiccup. Fishlegs dropped his wooden axe and ran away from his fight with Clueless . "HUMUNGOUS!
Do something! That's a real axe Snotlout's got there!"
[Image: Men]
"There's no cause for alarm," said Humungous calmly, as Snotlout dragged his axe out of Hiccup's
101
shield, yanked the shield out of Hiccup's hands, and raised the shiny metal blade above his head. "Hiccup has the situation completely under control. He's just lulling this thug into a false sense of security."
"Are you a total MORON?" raged Fishlegs. "Hiccup is about to DIE ..."
Snotlout brought the wickedly sharp axe down toward Hiccup, Hiccup raised his own wooden axe up above his head to try and protect himself, and the metal axe just cut right through it, so that it split in two and fell to the floor.
The metal axe continued on down toward Hiccup's chest; Hiccup closed his eyes, waiting for the blow, and ...
... and in the nick of time, Humungous drew his own axe from his waistbelt with lightning swiftness, and he lopped Snotlout's axe off at the base so that the metal end fell harmlessly to the ground, while Toothless and Fishlegs dragged Snotlout backward by the seat of his trousers.
RRRRRRIIIIP!!!!
Snotlout's trousers split from top to bottom, and Snotlout fled from the scene, half naked, followed by
102
the loud laughter of his fellow students--I am afraid that Vikings have rather a basic sense of humor and one of their number getting his trousers removed was just the kind of simple joke that really amused them.
103
"HA HA HA HA HA!" chuckled the Hooligan boys, leaning on their axes.
"I'm sorry, Hiccup," said Humungous, helping Hiccup up.
"Thank you," gasped Hiccup, with a sigh of relief.
"What are you thanking him for?" squeaked Fishlegs in irritation. "He's an IDIOT! An idiot with style, but still an idiot."
"Shut up, Fishlegs; he saved my life for the SECOND TIME, didn't he?" said Hiccup.
Humungous looked uncomfortable.
The very next day, Hiccup was on the way to his Taking Money with Menaces lesson with Fishlegs. Humungous had wandered off a bit further up the mountain.
"I've packed," Fishlegs was arguing. "I think we should leave. You heard what Humungous said; that Volcano is going to blow any minute."
"We can't just leave the rest of the Tribe here to get exterminated," Hiccup replied anxiously. "We have to persuade them somehow to come too ..."
Fishlegs was just answering that there was NO WAY they were going to be able to persuade the Hooligans to do anything of the sort, because they
104
were all too chronically stupid to understand the peril of the situation ...
... when a large boulder mysteriously detached itself from the blackened hillside above.
[Image: A man and a dragon.]
It came crashing down toward Hiccup and would have squashed him
[Image: Snotlout.]
99
A gleam of delight came into Snotlout's shark-like little eyes.
"KILL THE PIG-NOSTRILLED, JELLYFISH-HEARTED, WART-COVERED BULLY, HICCUP!" shouted Humungous helpfully from the sidelines.
"S-s-scratch his eyes out! Tear his wings off! Go for his h-h-horns!" squealed Toothless, flapping around getting in the way.
"Snotlout! Your axe is real!" shouted Hiccup.
"That's not my fault," snarled Snotlout, "everybody here saw your precious Bardiguard give it to me, so nobody's going to blame me ..." and he yanked at the axe to get it out of Hiccup's shield.
[Image: Hiccup and a dragon.]
Gobber was out of earshot, too busy yelling at Tuffnut Junior --
"THAT IS AN
100
AXE FOR THOR'S SAKE, TUFFNUT, NOT A WOODEN SPOON, NOR A KNITTING NEEDLE ..."
"HUMUNGOUS! HELP!" shouted Hiccup.
"You're doing a great job!" shouted Humungous, giving an encouraging and graceful thumbs-up. "Keep up the good work! I think I saw tears in the Snotty-baby's eyes just then ... Don't forget the Flash-thrust; it works just as well in axe-work."
"ANYONE! HELP!!!!" cried Hiccup. Fishlegs dropped his wooden axe and ran away from his fight with Clueless . "HUMUNGOUS!
Do something! That's a real axe Snotlout's got there!"
[Image: Men]
"There's no cause for alarm," said Humungous calmly, as Snotlout dragged his axe out of Hiccup's
101
shield, yanked the shield out of Hiccup's hands, and raised the shiny metal blade above his head. "Hiccup has the situation completely under control. He's just lulling this thug into a false sense of security."
"Are you a total MORON?" raged Fishlegs. "Hiccup is about to DIE ..."
Snotlout brought the wickedly sharp axe down toward Hiccup, Hiccup raised his own wooden axe up above his head to try and protect himself, and the metal axe just cut right through it, so that it split in two and fell to the floor.
The metal axe continued on down toward Hiccup's chest; Hiccup closed his eyes, waiting for the blow, and ...
... and in the nick of time, Humungous drew his own axe from his waistbelt with lightning swiftness, and he lopped Snotlout's axe off at the base so that the metal end fell harmlessly to the ground, while Toothless and Fishlegs dragged Snotlout backward by the seat of his trousers.
RRRRRRIIIIP!!!!
Snotlout's trousers split from top to bottom, and Snotlout fled from the scene, half naked, followed by
102
the loud laughter of his fellow students--I am afraid that Vikings have rather a basic sense of humor and one of their number getting his trousers removed was just the kind of simple joke that really amused them.
103
"HA HA HA HA HA!" chuckled the Hooligan boys, leaning on their axes.
"I'm sorry, Hiccup," said Humungous, helping Hiccup up.
"Thank you," gasped Hiccup, with a sigh of relief.
"What are you thanking him for?" squeaked Fishlegs in irritation. "He's an IDIOT! An idiot with style, but still an idiot."
"Shut up, Fishlegs; he saved my life for the SECOND TIME, didn't he?" said Hiccup.
Humungous looked uncomfortable.
The very next day, Hiccup was on the way to his Taking Money with Menaces lesson with Fishlegs. Humungous had wandered off a bit further up the mountain.
"I've packed," Fishlegs was arguing. "I think we should leave. You heard what Humungous said; that Volcano is going to blow any minute."
"We can't just leave the rest of the Tribe here to get exterminated," Hiccup replied anxiously. "We have to persuade them somehow to come too ..."
Fishlegs was just answering that there was NO WAY they were going to be able to persuade the Hooligans to do anything of the sort, because they
104
were all too chronically stupid to understand the peril of the situation ...
... when a large boulder mysteriously detached itself from the blackened hillside above.
[Image: A man and a dragon.]
It came crashing down toward Hiccup and would have squashed him
Similar Books
Pucked
Helena Hunting
Milosevic
Adam LeBor
Always Mine
Sophia Johnson
The Valentino Affair
Colin Evans
What the Groom Wants
Jade Lee
Sweet Last Drop
Melody Johnson
The Sweetest Thing
Elizabeth Musser
Fates and Furies
Lauren Groff
Thorns
Kate Avery Ellison