How We Lived (Entangled Embrace) by Erin Butler Read Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Erin Butler
story.”
His face hardened. “What’d your mom say?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged. He didn’t know my mom had barely spoken a word to me in months. It wasn’t anything new. It’s like she forgot how to act. “She had laid this fancy new black skirt and black button-up shirt for me on my bed. It was an outfit a sad person would wear, Chase. I would never have worn anything like that before. Ever. Black on black? I feel it enough inside, I don’t need to broadcast it. But I wasn’t trying to disrespect him. I wouldn’t do that to Kyle. I’m just so sick of being sad all the time.”
Chase grabbed my face in his hands. “You didn’t disrespect him. You couldn’t.”
He grazed my cheekbone with his thumb and I held my breath. His eyes fell to my lips. At least, I thought they did.
“If they only knew about the private ceremony we gave him.”
I smiled. Chase had always loved when we could keep a secret from my parents. It was hard to do, so he’d always thought of it as a personal victory. “Dad would never have okayed it.”
Chase flipped onto his back. “Your dad’s such a dick.”
My mouth dropped. He’d never been a fan of my dad, but this seemed extreme. “Whoa. Where’d that come from?”
“Not now, okay?” He turned and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Just not right now. I can hardly believe you’re talking to me. Can I…take in this moment?” He grazed his thumb down my arm and shut his eyes.
I cuddled into the pillow and let out a slow breath. “Why do I feel like there are so many secrets between us?”
His eyes stayed shut and I didn’t know if he even heard me until he finally spoke. “A lot can happen in five months.”
After I watched Chase fall asleep, after I memorized the planes of his face again, my eyes drifted closed.
I slept better than I had since Kyle died.
Chapter Four
-Kelsey-
When I woke the next morning, I had to untangle myself from Chase. I was glad he was still asleep because…holy awkwardness. My head had somehow ended up on his hard chest, which was weirdly comfortable, his arm was draped lightly around my shoulders, and my legs were sandwiched between his.
I’d never slept with a guy before. Okay, sure, when we were younger the three of us had shared a bed, but I hadn’t slept with a guy since knowing what could happen.
Moving very slowly, I rose from the bed and walked to the window. It was impossible to tell from this side of the house if my parents were awake. They weren’t in Kyle’s room, which was good for me because his window was unlocked; mine wasn’t. That also meant Mom hadn’t taken the hint Dad had left her in the hallway outside Kyle’s room yet. Boxes. They’d been there for at least a month.
Back in my own house, in my own bathroom, the under-eye shadows I thought were going to be there until the day I died were gone. Relieved, I hopped in the shower and stayed under the water until I was red and prune-y. For the first time in months, I did my makeup and hair, and called Em, one of my high school friends.
“Hey,” I said when she answered.
“Hold on one second.” After a brief pause, she came back on. “Holy shit. It’s true. Kelsey Larkin is calling me. I had to double-check my caller ID to make sure, but it’s really you.”
I groaned. “I know. I suck.”
Em laughed. “Hard-core suckage. It’s okay, though. What’s up? You home?”
“I am.”
“We have to hang out. I haven’t seen you in forever.” She was so excited she was practically squealing.
I was too happy to feel guilty. The truth was, I hadn’t talked to her in a couple of months and I hadn’t seen her since— Shit. I hadn’t seen her since she’d brought over a pan full of lasagna a couple of days after Kyle died.
“So, tonight,” she said, “there’s this frat party. My boyfriend lives there.”
“Boyfriend?”
“Oh my God. We have so much to catch you up on.”
As I listened to Em go on and on about her hot new boyfriend,
His face hardened. “What’d your mom say?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged. He didn’t know my mom had barely spoken a word to me in months. It wasn’t anything new. It’s like she forgot how to act. “She had laid this fancy new black skirt and black button-up shirt for me on my bed. It was an outfit a sad person would wear, Chase. I would never have worn anything like that before. Ever. Black on black? I feel it enough inside, I don’t need to broadcast it. But I wasn’t trying to disrespect him. I wouldn’t do that to Kyle. I’m just so sick of being sad all the time.”
Chase grabbed my face in his hands. “You didn’t disrespect him. You couldn’t.”
He grazed my cheekbone with his thumb and I held my breath. His eyes fell to my lips. At least, I thought they did.
“If they only knew about the private ceremony we gave him.”
I smiled. Chase had always loved when we could keep a secret from my parents. It was hard to do, so he’d always thought of it as a personal victory. “Dad would never have okayed it.”
Chase flipped onto his back. “Your dad’s such a dick.”
My mouth dropped. He’d never been a fan of my dad, but this seemed extreme. “Whoa. Where’d that come from?”
“Not now, okay?” He turned and pressed his lips to my forehead. “Just not right now. I can hardly believe you’re talking to me. Can I…take in this moment?” He grazed his thumb down my arm and shut his eyes.
I cuddled into the pillow and let out a slow breath. “Why do I feel like there are so many secrets between us?”
His eyes stayed shut and I didn’t know if he even heard me until he finally spoke. “A lot can happen in five months.”
After I watched Chase fall asleep, after I memorized the planes of his face again, my eyes drifted closed.
I slept better than I had since Kyle died.
Chapter Four
-Kelsey-
When I woke the next morning, I had to untangle myself from Chase. I was glad he was still asleep because…holy awkwardness. My head had somehow ended up on his hard chest, which was weirdly comfortable, his arm was draped lightly around my shoulders, and my legs were sandwiched between his.
I’d never slept with a guy before. Okay, sure, when we were younger the three of us had shared a bed, but I hadn’t slept with a guy since knowing what could happen.
Moving very slowly, I rose from the bed and walked to the window. It was impossible to tell from this side of the house if my parents were awake. They weren’t in Kyle’s room, which was good for me because his window was unlocked; mine wasn’t. That also meant Mom hadn’t taken the hint Dad had left her in the hallway outside Kyle’s room yet. Boxes. They’d been there for at least a month.
Back in my own house, in my own bathroom, the under-eye shadows I thought were going to be there until the day I died were gone. Relieved, I hopped in the shower and stayed under the water until I was red and prune-y. For the first time in months, I did my makeup and hair, and called Em, one of my high school friends.
“Hey,” I said when she answered.
“Hold on one second.” After a brief pause, she came back on. “Holy shit. It’s true. Kelsey Larkin is calling me. I had to double-check my caller ID to make sure, but it’s really you.”
I groaned. “I know. I suck.”
Em laughed. “Hard-core suckage. It’s okay, though. What’s up? You home?”
“I am.”
“We have to hang out. I haven’t seen you in forever.” She was so excited she was practically squealing.
I was too happy to feel guilty. The truth was, I hadn’t talked to her in a couple of months and I hadn’t seen her since— Shit. I hadn’t seen her since she’d brought over a pan full of lasagna a couple of days after Kyle died.
“So, tonight,” she said, “there’s this frat party. My boyfriend lives there.”
“Boyfriend?”
“Oh my God. We have so much to catch you up on.”
As I listened to Em go on and on about her hot new boyfriend,