How We Lived (Entangled Embrace) by Erin Butler Read Free Book Online Page B

I realized I’d missed her. How could I not see it before? Sure, she was always over-sharing and made the most inappropriate comments, but she was fun. I needed fun right now.
    “You’re coming, right?”
    “To the party? Absolutely.” I was already mentally planning my outfit in my head.
    “This is going to be great. Start working on your beer-pong serve. Limber up. You don’t want to pull a hammy.”
    I was still laughing when we said our good-byes.
    Before today, I hadn’t wanted to act like the crazy college kid I was supposed to be. I didn’t even know if I had a decent beer-pong serve. But Chase was right. I was still me. I was nineteen. I was in college, for crying out loud. I could have fun.
    Tonight would be different. Tonight I’d act like me.
    My stomach growled as I walked toward the kitchen. I hadn’t eaten much at dinner last night, and I didn’t eat lunch before that, or maybe breakfast before that. I couldn’t actually remember the last time I ate a real, full meal.
    Mom stood near the toaster when I walked in and I almost said “good morning,” but then my dad came into view. His shoulders were set and the ugly, post-death scowl that had attached itself permanently to his face was directed at my mother’s back. I jumped backward into the hall.
    No way did I want any part of their drama. I was finally feeling kinda sorta okay. I turned away, but a single name stopped me in my tracks. Chase . They talked about Chase. No, I take that back, they argued about Chase.
    “What did you want me to do?” my dad asked. “Get a restraining order barring him from the funeral?”
    My stomach hollowed out as my father’s words echoed through the kitchen.
    In a small voice, my mom replied, “He was talking to her. Why was he talking to Kelsey?”
    By the time she said my name, she was almost in hysterics. I didn’t know why she chose now to care about me. She hadn’t bothered to in the past five months. She hadn’t called to ask how school was going, how classes were, if I was dealing fine. She hadn’t troubled herself with me at all.
    “Shh,” Dad said. “Kelsey’s fine. She’s a good kid. She’s smart. She’ll figure this out once she gets her head on straight again.”
    My eyes closed and a pang of regret hit me. Smart. I was always the smart one. I wished I’d lived up to that.
    There was a pause, so I looked around the corner. Dad had Mom wrapped in his arms. Her head lay on his shoulder, eyes closed. At least they were talking. At least they were touching. That had to be a good sign.
    He rubbed her back. “Come on. You know I can’t stand it when you cry.”
    She lifted her head, revealing splotches on his blue T-shirt, and I retreated around the corner again. These were the parents I used to have. Maybe it wasn’t just me who’d forgotten how to be myself. Maybe it was them, too.
    “It’s like I can’t help it. I still can’t believe he’s gone. I feel…” She drew in a long, rattling breath and let it out slowly. When she spoke, her voice wavered. “I feel like I failed as a mother.”
    I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. That wasn’t fair. There wasn’t anything she could have done about the accident. Accidents couldn’t be controlled.
    My dad’s voice was tense. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re a great mother. You were before and you are now. There was nothing you could’ve done.”
    “So now I’m ridiculous? I only kept him alive for twenty-one years. Twenty-one years. Think of everything he’s going to miss. Falling in love, getting married, having kids…”
    Dad chuckled. “I’m pretty sure he’d already fallen in love. Remember the empty condom wrapper you found in his room when he was sixteen?”
    My eyes bugged out of my head. Holy. Crap. They’d known about Missy? No wonder they’d implemented the “no ‘friends’ in your room with the door shut” rule.
    “I can’t believe you just said that. I’m trying to be