I Am The Local Atheist by Warwick Stubbs Read Free Book Online

a
so-called ‘house-of-God’ completely void of a cross hanging
somewhere on the outside. There was just ‘The Salvation Army’
written on a sign outside with its shield to the left. I walked in
the front door with a bag of groceries at each side, pushing my way
through the doors shoulder first. An elderly woman dressed in
uniform was walking towards me and made to hold the door open for
me but I was already through as it closed shut behind me.
    “ Welcome to the Sallies” she said, smile beaming from her face.
“My name’s Sylvia.”
    “ Hi” I replied, without much enthusiasm. “David.”
    “ Hi David. Have you come for worship?”
    “ Ah, no.”
    “ We have our lunch bank on Tuesdays.” She looked at my bags of
groceries. “But you look all set for the rest of the week.” Her
permanent smile was beginning to annoy me.
    “ Ah, no. I was hoping to find some volunteer work.”
    “ Oh, great.” That just made her smile even worse. “The Lord is
always thankful for the services that his subjects
provide.”
    She drew me
closer to a wall that had some leaflets stuck to it and a table
beneath. “We have a great service overseas where you can do the
Lord’s work helping people in poverty. Whatever your skills are may
be of great benefit. So what do you do?”
    I was tempted
to say ‘I monitor actions on the computer’ but she wouldn’t have
got it so I just admitted that I did nothing.
    “ Oh, well…” she seemed to stumble for something to say. “Ah,
well, I’m not sure what you can do to help then. I’ll just get my
superior.”
    Shit. Anyone
superior to her must surely be dead.
    A younger
woman with dark hair walked out of a door around the corner. The
two spoke to each other with Sylvia pointing towards me and
explaining my situation. Sylvia departed and the women came up to
me.
    “ Hi. My name’s Captain Alice Pointer. I heard you were looking
for some volunteer work.”
    “ Yes. Just something light, well, I’m not sure really. I don’t
care. I just want to do something that’ll help. I have no muscle
and my skill level is zero, except in the realm of computer games
where I’m very close to becoming an expert. I’m quite proud of
that, but that may not help.”
    She smiled
very generously. “Well, perhaps all I can do is offer some casual
work helping to shift some boxes of recycled goods from the old
Family Store to the new one just around the corner. It used to be a
small factory but hasn’t been used for a very long time, so we
thought we’d take it over and convert it into a fully functioning
store. There probably will be some heavy lifting, but at least
it’ll be a chance to build some muscles, right?” Sarcasm was
plastered all over her face.
    I shrugged my
shoulders. “Yeah sure.”
    “ Okay, well I will have to pass you on to Christie who is in
charge of that, but she won’t be here until tomorrow so how about
you come in at about nine-thirty or ten and we’ll get
going.”
    I tried to
smile but wasn’t really in the mood for it. “That sounds great.
I’ll definitely be here.” I said “thanks” as I walked out the door
and back into the chill of another August afternoon. The grocery
bags were beginning to strain on my shoulders as I carried them
back to the flat.
     
    Tinsdale and
Martin were sitting on the couch testing a new video game. Tinsdale
had a bottle of beer open before him, while Martin was hunched over
the controller, his eyes peering at the TV screen from behind
black-rimmed glasses.
    “ Hey,” they both said in unison.
    Tinsdale hit
Martin on the arm. “Jinx.”
    “ What-the-fuck? Y’ don’t smack someone on the arm for a
jinx.”
    “ I didn’t want it to turn into a curse so had to let the
tension out.”
    I went into
the kitchen and started packing my groceries into the
cupboards.
    Tinsdale called out from the lounge “just grab a beer if y’
want one. We’re playing the new Need for
Speed .”
    “ Cheers” I replied without any