I blame the scapegoats by John O'Farrell Read Free Book Online Page A

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draw. Because the real oppression of identity cards would not be some Big
Brother surveillance nightmare - it will be the more mundane tyranny of having
to endure yet another crappy-piece of technology that doesn't work properly.
    Imagine
what fun students will have by drawing an extra couple of lines on each other's
bar codes. 'I'm afraid, young man, you are not entitled to a student discount
because according to this scanner you are a Muller twin-pot yoghurt.'
    'No, I am a student,
really, ask my friend here.'
    'Well there's no point in talking to him -
he's a small tin of Pokemon pasta shapes.'
    Those in favour of ID cards talk in glowing
terms about the wonders of modern technology. Identity cards would do more than
just prove who you are. All the information that can possibly be needed about
you could be stored on one handy smart card replacing all the others in your
wallet. A quick swipe will establish that you are prepared to donate your
kidneys in the event of an accident, that you are due a free cappuccino at
Caffe Nero and that eleven months ago you paid a lot of money to join the local
gym but have only been there twice.
    Then
police officers will be able to swipe the cards through their machines and say,
'Look, Sarge, we've got him now. It says here that Barney's
Big Adventure was due back at Blockbuster Video
yesterday before eleven p.m.'
    'Oh yeah - and look
at this - two thousand Sainsbury's reward points accumulated. Been doing a lot
of shopping recently, haven't we, sonny?'
    Because there is, of course, a civil
liberties issue. As a middle-class white male I don't suffer much aggravation
from the police. Whenever my car is pulled over, I utter a few words and they
are suddenly very polite.
    'Is this your own accent, sir?' 'Yes it is.'
    'That's fine, sir, thank you. We're just
doing a random check of accents in the area. Sorry to have troubled you.'
    But
for young black men, failure to produce an identity card on demand could be
used as a reason for further harassment. Asylum seekers, stigmatized enough
already, will be made to feel even more like non-persons without an official ID
card.
    The
opposition should not be so obvious as to come out against ID cards altogether.
Instead they should insist that the processing is done by DVLA Swansea. That
should hold things up for the next couple of decades. And then just when
they're getting on top of it all, the shadow cabinet could send in their own
forms. That'll really put a spanner in the works.
    'Oh no, the Conservative front bench have
just blown the whole ID cards scheme out of the water.'
    'How come?'
    'We should have thought of this. They've got
no identities to put on the cards.'
     
     
     

The
wrong sort of shares
     
    13
October 2001
     
     
    Occasionally
one reads about the tragic plight of a desperate group of people in our society
and one is moved to tears by the terrible injustice they've had to endure. Such
a group is Railtrack shareholders. After years of receiving healthy dividends
on their investment, they are suddenly to be denied any more free money from
the taxpayer. Where is Michael Buerk's moving report about the anguish of these
poor victims? Where are the old ladies rattling tins in the High Street? Where
is the Band Aid-type charity record featuring Bob Geldof and Ginger Spice
singing All Aboard the Love Train - Oh no, it's just been de-railed outside
Ealing Broadway'
    When
I was eight my brother and I had a small train set but we could never get it to
work properly. The little bits of track wouldn't fit together and whatever you
did the trains kept stopping and starting and then they'd simply refuse to
budge altogether. I now realize that this is the most futuristic train set ever
developed - it was just preparing us for the real thing later on. Railtrack has
been an unmitigated disaster, and anyone who was stupid enough not to have sold
their shares ages ago has no right to complain now