I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron Read Free Book Online

had the slightest idea of what Hal’s estate was worth. There were profits from the houses he and Eleanor had flipped, and from large developments they had built in McLean and Falls Church, block after block of upscale suburban dream homes with indoor pools and rec rooms and breakfast nooks and the like. And there was also the Famous Puerto Rican Thing. Hal and Eleanor had bought a huge parcel of land somewhere in Puerto Rico and had begun a development there, in partnership with Irwinthe dentist. Every so often I would ask Hal about it, and Hal would reply that it was coming along great, that he’d just been to Puerto Rico, that they were meeting with the architect, that the plans were terrific, that they’d seen the models, that they were looking for more investors.
    It seemed to me he had to have been worth at least $3 million. Which was a lot of money at the time. Divided by four it came out to $750,000 for each of us. I couldn’t believe it. It was a fortune. It would change everything. Okay, maybe it was only $2 million. That would still be a half million each. On the other hand, perhaps it was four. A million dollars each. A million dollars each! I kept estimating, and dividing by four, and mentally spending the money. My husband and I had recently bought a house on Long Island, and the renovation had cost much more than we’d ever dreamed. There was nothing left for landscaping. I went outside and walked around the house. I mentally planted several trees. I ripped out the scraggly lawn and imagined the huge trucks of sod I would now be able to pay for. I considered a trip to the nursery to look at hydrangeas. My heart was racing. I pulled my husband away from his work and we had a conversation about what kind of trees we wanted. A dogwood, definitely. A great big dogwood. It would cost a small fortune, and now we were about to have one.
    I went upstairs and looked at the script I’d been writing. I would never have to work on it again. I was just doing it for the money and, let’s face it, it wasnever going to get made, and besides, it was really hard. I shut down the computer. I lay down on the bed to think about other ways to spend Uncle Hal’s money. It crossed my mind that we needed a new headboard.
    Thus, in fifteen minutes, did I pass through the first two stages of inherited wealth: Glee and Sloth.
    The phone rang.
    It was my father. “Hal died,” he said.
    “I know,” I said.
    “He was leaving his money to the four of you,” my father went on, “but I told him to cut you out of the will because you already have enough money.”
    “What?” I said.
    He hung up.
    I couldn’t believe it.
    I looked outside at the lawn. So much for the sod.
    I called Delia. “Wait till you hear this development,” I said, and told her what had happened.
    “Well, we’ll just even it out,” Delia said. “We’ll each give you whatever percentage of what we inherit and that will make it fair.”
    “One-fourth,” I said.
    “You were always better at math,” she said. “I will call the others.”
    She called the others and called me back.
    “Amy is willing,” she said. “Hallie is not.”
    I couldn’t believe it. The four of us had always had an agreement that if any one of us was cut out of my father’s will, the others would cut her back in. Surely that applied to Uncle Hal too.
    The day was not even over, and we had entered the third stage of inherited wealth: Dissension.
    The next day I got a phone call from Hal’s lawyer. My father had turned out to be wrong: Hal had not cut me out of his will after all. He had left half his estate to the four of us, and the other half to Louise the housekeeper.
    I was happy for Louise. She deserved the money.
    As for me, I was down to one-eighth. Not as good as one-fourth, but if the estate turned out to be four million dollars, it was still a bundle of money.
    “How much money is there?” I asked the lawyer.
    “Not much,” he said.
    “Not much meaning