I Surrender by Monica James Read Free Book Online

reaching the open front door I can hear music piercing from inside. The sudden sensation of running back to the car and high tailing it back home to hide under my blanket overcomes me. V senses my shift and stands behind me pushing me into the door. There are so many people here and I am glad I picked one of the best dresses I own. Everyone is dressed in casual but smart clothing. The guys are dressed in jeans and shirts and the girls are dressed in very couture looking outfits. These people look like they have too much time and money to play with. With their whiten teeth and fake tanned skin, I cringe astounded that people like this exist.
    “Wow,” is all I say to V who is looking around for Lucas.
    “Oh shush you, quit it with the sarcasm. Most are lovely people who look like they….”
    “Belong in a Beverly Hills 90210 rerun,” I finish off. She just smirks at my smartness and we locate Lucas slapping Andy on the back playfully. We walk over; well I walk, while V practically sprints.
    “Hey baby.” Lucas smiles wrapping his strong arms around her tiny frame lifting her feet off the ground while she squeals in excitement. I stand a few steps back as I remember the last time I encountered a famous Lucas hug.
    “Hi Ava.” Lucas waves sensing my apprehension.
    “Hi Lucas. It’s really good to see you again.” I am so proud of myself for constructing a sentence this time around. I look around the happy group and smile at Andy.
    “Hi Ava, I’m Andy. We haven’t been officially introduced but I know a lot about you from V. This is my girlfriend Mariah,” he nods to the girl smiling at his waist. I automatically know I am going to like this girl, with her genuine smile and bright hazel eyes. I extend my hand out firstly to Andy then to Mariah who laughs and pulls me in for a hug.
    “I feel like I know you already so no handshaking okay.” I nod smiling at her slight country twang, she must be from Mississippi.
    “Happy Birthday Andy by the way.” I smile politely.
    “Hey thanks Ava, much appreciated.” Mariah passes me a glass of something bubbly which I accept gratefully.
    “Hey is Shooter coming?” asks Lucas. I look over V who is staring affectionately up at Lucas. She must feel my stare and mouths ‘guitarist’ to me. Oh okay Shooter is the other guitarist.
    “What about J?” asks Lucas. Just the mention of his name, correction just his initial, is enough for my stomach to drop for some stupid reason. I look at Andy for a reply.
    “I’m not sure man. You know Jasper, moody artist and all. Never know which Jasper you’ll get.” I try to act nonchalant but V can see through me. This girl was a detective in her former life I am convinced.

    *****

    The night passes smoothly but as the drinks flow freely and the alcohol kicks in, the couples start to get very affectionate and I feel like I’m intruding in on their private moments. I am an outsider wishing I was a part of their love and devotion. I would give anything to feel that love again. Isn’t that what everyone wants, to find their soul mate in life. Scoffing at my juvenile ideals of romance and love I retreat to the balcony overlooking the water. There are a few drunken couples cradling each other but far away enough for me not to hear or see their tender private exchanges of love. It is a beautiful clear night and the breeze from the water brushes my cheeks like a lovers caress. I look out at the ocean contemplating my life. How did I become that girl? Why did destiny select me to pass Harper’s path four years ago. What was the point of it all if our fate was headed for a collision course all along? Looking at a sea bird flapping its wings against the full moon I wish I could grow wings and fly away from everything and be free. I wish I could lose myself in the vast ocean and float away from all this pain in my heart. I bow my head on the rail and let the tears roll freely. This is the first time I’ve let it all out. Let myself think