Ice Cream and Venom by Kevin Long Read Free Book Online Page B

and maybe they'll last beyond that, maybe they won't. You don't know."
    "We will kill you for this," Demiurge says.
    "Duh," I say, hazy from the pain of the beating they already gave me, "But it doesn't matter. I won. I beat you. I led the last remnant of humanity on Earth out of your grasp. You, sons of Olympus, done in by an out-of-work insurance adjuster from Dahlonega. I'm the new Moses," I say, then pause with a realization that none of those idiots I saved will remember my name. I never told it to them.
    Oh well.
    This is too much for Demiurge. He snatches me up by my throat, and holds me over the edge of the building. I'm surprisingly calm. I've known the end is coming for a long time, and now that it's here, I'm ready for it. It's reassuring.
    "You got any last words, new Moses?" he screams at me.
    "Yes!" I scream back at him with every last ounce of defiance and venom in me, not sure where the strength is coming from, but hiding my fear under a veneer of derision. I give them my last word on the subject. Conscious that I'm about to say man's final words on planet earth, I holler, "SUPER HEROES ARE GAY!"
    He squeezes his hand effortlessly, and all goes black...

Internal Bleeder
     
    If you want an exclusive on the story of the century, meet me in the parking lot at the corner of County Road 39 and County Road 32, one block south of highway two. The intersection of 32 and Highway Four is kind of tricky, so you might want to use the North Schauppsville Road exit, and then head west a block on 39.
    Be there at 8PM precisely, and come alone. Or, you know, if you think that's too pushy, then bring a friend. Yeah, actually, you know what? Do bring a friend. Probably a good idea.
    Sincerely,
    Deep Throat
    She re-folded the letter and stuffed it back in her purse. She hadn't been in Mayfield long enough to really have any friends, so she brought her landlord along simply because she knew him.
    "This is stupid. It's some kind of gag," he said. "Get back in the car, let's go, I've already missed Jeopardy."
    "He'll show," she said a bit too stridently, "He's got to."
    "It's going on nine, Susan..."
    "He'll show."
    "How do you even know it's a 'he?'" the landlord asked.
    "He... I... uhm... how do you even know it's not a 'he?'" she eventually riposted.
    As if on cue, 'He' showed up in a beat up puke-green 1973 Mustang Mach 1. He slid out—they were very low to the ground—dressed in the height of sartorial splendor for the day: bell-bottomed leisure suit, a silk shirt unbuttoned to the waist, lots of gold medallions, and what might or might not have been a perm.
    "Susan DuLac," he said, with a big goofy smile. He walked over and effusively shook her hand, his eyes entirely too steadily fixed on hers. "Lee Austin," he said, "Very glad to meet you. And this is...?" He trailed off gesturing to her landlord.
    "Phil Manlove," she said.
    "Wow, that's an unfortunate name!" Lee said, then looked like he instantly regretted it.
    "Well, I've seen enough," Phil said, "Guy's a whack job. Time to go home, Susan..."
    Lee looked abashed. "Oh, are you two... uhm... together?" He looked Phil up and down appraisingly: Fifty-something, pot-belly, nicotine stains on his fingers and teeth, one of those 'Sneaky Pete' mustaches that went out of style forty years before.
    "Yes. Yes we are," Susan lied, "Phil is my boyfriend. We're lovers." Phil blushed and looked incredibly uncomfortable at this, but to his credit, he didn't immediately blurt out the truth.
    "Oh, that's super," lied Lee, who didn't think it was super at all. He continued with fake enthusiasm, "You guys up for dinner? You don't mind riding in the back, do you, Phil? There's a new Red Lobster I thought we might try out over in..."
    "What about the exclusive story?" Susan interrupted.
    "Dinner first, then story," Lee said.
    "You said you had the story of the century for me, not a restaurant review."
    "And I do, but a story this big requires some set-up. I've got to bring you up to speed,