Illumine Her by Sieni A.M. Read Free Book Online

defibrillator on the old man’s chest.
    “Clear!” he shouted.
    She watched as his body was shocked. Over and over again the shocks shook him and the bed. Alana’s heart quickened as she frantically looked to the machines for any sign of progress, of life…anything promising. This could not be happening , she thought. They were just chatting mere hours ago.
    The room was silent save for the shocks and the shuffling of feet but Alana’s ears were roaring with her heavy breathing.
    Several minutes passed when the doctor finally stopped and stepped away. His face had a sheen of sweat on it, and he was breathing harshly. Wiping his forehead with his shirt sleeve he said three words that brought an end to it all. “Somebody call it.”
    No. No. No! Her mind shrilled and protested. It could not have just come to an end like that. One moment they were joking in the morning, and the next he was dead. Alana could not accept that his life could be so fleeting, so fragile. Did she have no control over it? Feelings of powerlessness flooded her mind—her young cousin who died of dengue fever, her father in the car accident, and now her patient.
    “No! We have to keep trying! There’s still time!” she cried, pushing herself forward so she was situated over Mr. Filipo’s chest.
    She began to pound down in an effort to revive him. Two breaths, thirty compressions, over and over again. She could not just give up now. She had to try. It was happening too fast for her, and she was not ready to let him go.
    “Alana, stop! It’s over now. He’s gone. We did everything we could.” Dr. Fetu came behind her and grabbed her shoulders.
    “I can still do this, please,” she pleaded, a sob escaping from her throat.
    “Alana, enough!” Dr. Fetu demanded.
    “You have to let me try!” she shot back as she continued her ministrations. She couldn’t believe she was talking that way to her superior, but she was not ready to let this patient go. Hot tears welled in her eyes, and she blinked hard to keep them from falling. Perhaps she should never have become so attached to him. To any of them. But she had a soft spot for Mr. Filipo. He reminded her of her father, and if she couldn’t save her father, she would damn well try her hardest to save Mr. Filipo. It was too much if she just had to let him go. Doubts flooded her mind and she began to question her credibility. Could she really do this job? Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this after all. She was too emotional, and this was too personal.
    “Alana,” Dr. Fetu spoke calmly but firmly. “It’s finished. Let this go.”
    Alana let out a ragged breath and stopped. Her arms were sore from pumping his chest and sweat gathered in the middle of her shoulder blades. Head hanging low, she heard the other nurse call the time of death. Dr. Fetu ripped off his gloves and threw them down on the floor and headed out the doors. The nurse covered Mr. Filipo’s body with the sheet and shook her head.
    “Such a sweet old man,” she said before walking away.
    Alone, Alana raised her hands and shielded her mouth. This was the first death she experienced as a nurse at the hospital, and the shock of it made her body tremble. Not even her training could have prepared her for this. Taking a few steps back, she slipped out of the curtain and walked towards the doors that led to the nurse’s station. Taking a drink of water from the fountain, she swallowed hard and the liquid went down painfully. She tried to catch her breath.
    Lisi approached and asked, “Are you okay?”
    Alana’s throat tightened and she nodded. “I’m fine,” she said shakily.
    Lisi frowned. “You are not fine. What happened?”
    Alana expelled a breath and relayed the incident with Mr. Filipo while Lisi listened and nodded in understanding.
    “I’m sorry to say this, Lana, but you get used to it. Death is a part of our job, and one day it won’t affect you so much. It’ll become another mechanical part of our work.