I'M NOT DEAD: The Journals of Charles Dudley Vol.1 by Artie Cabrera Read Free Book Online

FIRST CIRCLE bullshit.
    This is my life story.
    I hope someone comes across this book someday and sees what an asshole I have been and that I am sorry. If THIS is karma, then she is a bigger bitch than I thought.
    Fuck you, karma.
     
     

LOVE AND OTHER CALAMITIES
    Monday, January 5 th , 2014
     
    I made an oath not to have sex with Jane no matter what happened. Somehow, we became bedfellows after a few short nights on the couch. And with my back starting to spasm, she offered to massage it.
    Who was I to say no?
    No matter how she made me realize how lonely I’ve become, there will be absolutely no sex involved…I guess there’s no crime in cuddling.
    Twirling her hair and an innocent kiss goodnight was within the boundaries as we discussed as long as it didn’t go any further than that.
    And who was I to say no? Well, no…
    All I needed was for Morgan to find out I nailed someone on our bed other than her while the world was ending—and someone who was considerably younger than she was. I would never hear the end of it. Then again, I don’t know if she’s even alive. Oh, Christ, how could I even think that?
    The fear of being alone has clouded my judgment and made me vulnerable. Look at me, running into someone else’s arms when the going gets tough; I miss Morgan and Kate so much. God, I miss them so much.
    The men in my family had every despicable rationale for fucking the pain away. My uncles were notorious for dipping their “pens” in the “company ink” and squandering money on whores and gambling. A fight with the wife leads to fucking whores from the bar and kids getting on their nerves leads to fucking whores at the office. When the bills piled up, they were off to Atlantic City for the weekend with the whore who does the dry cleaning.
    When monsters attack, that leads me to screwing the weirdo dressed in hospital scrubs I just met outside my door in the dead of winter.
     
     
     

DEATH RATTLE
    Monday, January 6 th , 2014
    3:06 a.m.
     
    There’s that sound again.
    “Dusty, did you hear that?”
    Dusty, Cooper, and I were up late having a midnight snack in the kitchen tonight when I heard what sounded like something dragging their fingernails across the side of the house.
    This was no Deviant. It sounded just as big as a rhino, if not bigger. We sat still in the kitchen quietly following it with our eyes—slowly from right to left then left to right—and then BAM!
    Its growl was a deep low resounding rumble, rattling and snarling like a bull ready to charge and plow through the walls.
    Cooper went berserk, barking, and lunging at the back door.Whatever it was, reached the end of the driveway and let out a deafening roar that had us scattering around the kitchen and running into the living room for cover.
    It was quiet for a minute before the beast returned, slamming into the side of the house while we crawled for cover underneath the furniture. Dusty and I curled up into balls underneath the dining room table holding our knees to our chests. Dusty clasped his hands over his ears and eyes when the colliding bangs came.
    There goes the aluminum siding and my truck again. Cooper hid beside the couch with his tail between his legs, not looking so brave anymore. We braced ourselves for impact and waited in silence.
    I couldn’t imagine what it was that prowled outside, and I couldn’t bring myself to draw the shades to look.
    Jane didn’t hear any of it. She was dead asleep when we made it back upstairs to the bedroom.
    Dusty was in pieces when I brought him back into his room. It was my first time seeing the boy cry. I don’t think he’d shed one tear since I brought him home.
    I was never good with the emotional gooey stuff, but I patted him on his back and told him he did good as he wiped the tears from his cheeks with his sleeve.
    “The monster’s gone now, kiddo. You have nothing to worry about as long as I’m here to protect you, okay? Even if it means hiding underneath a table