was a deaf person who needed him to speak slowly so I could read his lips.
Nice lips. Very, very nice lips.
Instantly, upon making contact with his arm, I got that familiar jittery feeling as if I had butterflies in my bones. Not all of my bones, just my extremities. I decided the butterflying going on inside my bones was a direct result of my reckless behavior. I had a boyfriend and I was almost snuggling with a co-worker. But it was as though the feeling was a drug. I just wanted to feel it a little longer before I sat back up.
I was trying hard to not flirt so I wasn’t giving Noah the wrong idea about this “friend date.” But something inside me was stirring. Something I couldn’t ignore.
Noah spoke but I couldn’t hear him over the crackle of the red, white and blue explosion overhead.
“What?”
He pulled my head close to his using the bent arm pillow, which I was thankful for once I realized how hard the ground was. His warm breath on my face was intoxicating. As he spoke about some fireworks accident he saw on the news, I could smell the soap he used, his deodorant, his toothpaste, his laundry detergent. All those smells combined were an olfactory definition for how alluring he was right at that moment. I sat up for the rest of the fireworks, claiming my back hurt but I just really needed to clear my head and wash the whatever it was out of me. Noah and I couldn’t be more different. He was rugged and risky, and I was fearful and anxious. He wasn’t afraid to fight, and I was always trying to steer clear of confrontation. I just needed to focus on Joel and stop. But stop what? Seeing and breathing? Because at that moment that’s all it seemed it would take for me to melt into him.
“You ready?” When the grand finale was over, we were both sitting with our arms wrapped around our knees. Not touching, which was working much better for me.
“Sure.”
He stood up and reached for my hand to help me up. Dammit. Touching. When I took his hand, a jolt of electricity shot from my palm and into my chest. He held my hand the whole way to the car, which made it hard for me to breathe. I knew there was no part of Noah that was interested in me. So, it was safe. I may be frazzled around him, but it was not like something was going to happen between us. Ever.
The ride home was actually relaxed and fun. With the windows down, we blared the Classic Alternative Rock station on XM and realized we had the same taste in music.
I had forgotten all my angst about the “spermies” and the “rape” by the time we pulled up to my house, and all the electricity I was feeling throughout the night had dissipated.
“Well, thanks. This was fun. See you tomorrow night,” I said as I got out of his car.
He got out too.
Weird. Dammit.
The vibrations came back when I realized he was walking me to the door. I was really looking forward to running in, plopping down on my bed, and calling Joel to reassure him I was fine. I started to get nervous about Noah’s intention when we actually arrived at the door.
This is stupid. He’s just being polite. I imagined him saying, Re. Lax!
“Well, thanks again.” I turned to reach for the knob when he spoke.
“Um. I…I had a really nice time. A really nice time.”
It was weird, now he seemed nervous. This guy who I assumed was impervious to any insecurities seemed nervous. I had this effect on him? The thought of that made my toes curl.
“Me too. Thanks.” I tried once again to make it to the knob.
“You think maybe I could have a goodnight kiss?” He looked like a little boy asking for another book at bedtime with those big brown eyes and full pouty lips.
“Um…no!” I said without missing a beat. “Boyfriend!”
He rolled his eyes. “I don’t want tongue. Just a peck. No strings.”
Where in the world did this guy come from? Why would he think I would even want to kiss…those lips…those full pouty lips? Stop looking at his lips!
I shook the thought
Learning to Kill: Stories