In Wilde Country Read Free Book Online

true. His mother was dead because of him. So was
     his brother. He was worthless. Useless. He had come into the world a failure and he’d
     never been anything but a failure.
    Amos grabbed him by the shoulders. “You owe this to us all, dammit, to your mother,
     your brother, and me!”
    It was true, all of it. He owed them everything.
    Amos let go of him.
    “I have done my part with Senator Duncan. You will do yours at school. Do we understand
     each other?”
    Johnny swallowed hard.
    “Answer me! Do we understand each other?”
    He met his father’s hard gaze.
    “Yes.”
    “Yes, sir!”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “Yes, sir, what?”
    “Yes, sir, we understand each other.”
    Amos nodded. “Good. Fine.” His tone was conversational; he smiled, clapped his son
     on the shoulder, then turned for the door, but at the last minute, he looked at Johnny
     again. “The situation with the Grimes girl. Connie. She isn’t for you.”
    “She’s a nice girl,” Johnny said. “You don’t know her at all.”
    “Her father is a shopkeeper. He doesn’t move in the right circles.” He smiled thinly.
     “I let Alden spend time with her because she could do him no harm, but the relationship
     would have ended on his graduation.”
    Johnny stared at Amos.
    “You let my brother—“
    “Of course. He understood.”
    “I don’t believe that. Alden would never have agreed to something so—so coldblooded.
     I knew him in ways you never did.”
    “Think that, if it makes you feel better. Just understand that she will be out of
     your life come next June. And remember, watch yourself with her until then. Each time
     she pulls down her pants, you pull on a rubber.”
    Johnny’s face blazed.
    “She’s a nice girl, Father.”
    Amos grinned. “Doesn’t mean she doesn’t fuck, John. I’m sure she did for your brother.
     If she hasn’t for you, why, you have a lot of catching up to do.” He glanced at his
     watch. “It’s almost suppertime. I’ll see you in the dining room in ten minutes. We
     have plans to make.”
    * * * *
    Yes, but the plans weren’t Johnny’s.
    He tried not to think about that all through the next week.
    He didn’t go into town to see Connie, but he didn’t attend football practice, either.
     He refused to think about anything beyond getting up in the morning and falling into
     bed, exhausted, each night.
    The one thing he did let himself think about was Miss Cleary. About going to see her.
    He missed her.
    Her decency, her kindness, her no-nonsense way of looking the world in the eye.
    He considered seeking her advice, but what would be the point? He knew what she’d
     tell him.
    She’d say his father was wrong. He didn’t bear the blame for his mother’s death or
     for his brother’s, and the rational part of him knew that that was the truth.
    The part that was pure emotion scoffed.
    If your mother hadn’t got pregnant with you, she’d still be alive. If your brother
     hadn’t climbed into your car, he’d still be alive, too.
    Amos was away on business, so he didn’t know Johnny hadn’t shown up for football practice.
    The coach phoned the house a couple of times. Johnny got the answering machine messages,
     but he didn’t return the calls.
    What for?
    The coach wanted him back playing football. So did Amos.
    Never mind Amos.
    Deep in his heart, Johnny wanted the same thing. Not so he could seem a more attractive
     package for entrance to the Point. Not because it would please his father and the
     coach.
    He wanted to be out on that field because he missed the game.
    He’d spent all these months pretending he didn’t, but he couldn’t pretend anymore.
     He missed the other guys, missed the crowds that hung out at preseason practice. He
     missed the bone-jarring hits and the feeling that came of soaring into the air and
     catching what was surely an uncatchable ball.
    He found excuses to go into town. Somebody needed a replacement wrench? A dozen sacks
     of oats? I’ll go for it, he’d