Independent Jenny by Sarah Louise Smith Read Free Book Online Page B

out for me, that’s all.”
    He relaxed his shoulders and sat back.
    “Well, I still felt guilty. I just didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to lose you.”
    “Admit there was more than one and I’ll maybe start to trust you again. Come on, you may as well admit it.”
    He sighed and I realised I was right. And the pain was there again; but this time instead of feeling heartbroken, I felt rejected. I’d not been good enough, and so he’d strayed. Not just once because he was drunk, but repeatedly.
    “Listen. I think I’ve got a problem.”
    I shook my head as my eyes created fresh hot tears.
    “Please just listen?”
    I nodded my head.
    “Yes, it’s happened several times in the past. I do realise what a risky, stupid, crazy thing it was to do. But you have to listen, Jenny, because I can’t lose you. You have to believe it was just sex, nothing more. Please don’t let my stupidity ruin what we’ve got.”
    He started to cry and somehow, from some soft part of me, I pitied him. After a few minutes, he got it together and took a deep breath.
    “I’m sorry.”
    “It’s okay. It’s nice to see you do care about our marriage.”
    “Of course I do! I love you.”
    “You haven’t acted like you do though, have you?”
    “I’ve been doing some reading online, about the seven year itch.”
    “What?”
    “You know, when a couple have been together seven years?”
    “I am familiar with the term – I just don’t think it’s a very good excuse.”
    “I know, I know.”
    “And when did you first cheat?”
    He sighed.
    “Does the detail matter?”
    “Honesty matters. I need complete honesty.”
    “Okay. Fair enough. I guess about a year ago.”
    “So you’ve been lying all this time and I couldn’t even tell? What a fool I am.”
    “No, I’m the fool.”
    I sighed. I wasn’t angry anymore. Just bored of thinking and talking about it.
    “So what did you come here to say?”
    “I just want to know if you think you’re ever going to take me back?”
    “I don’t know. I can’t think straight and I keep changing my mind. Right now, probably not.”
    He looked alarmed, like he hadn’t really thought this could happen.
    “Probably not?”
    “I’m confused, okay? But I’m pretty sure I don’t love you anymore. So no, probably not.”
    “How can you not love me all of a sudden?”
    “How can I love someone who’s repeatedly shagged around, betrayed my trust? How can you love me? You haven’t acted as if you do.”
    “It was just sex!”
    “Just? Just? You say that like it’s okay, like I should be okay with this. It’s not okay, Ross. Loving husband do not have sex with strangers.”
    My voice sounded different; angry and bitter, not like me at all. I sighed again. Sitting here, opposite him, felt familiar and comfortable, despite the conversation we were having. We did have a history, and it’d been a rather nice one at times. Was I really going to walk away from him because of some meaningless sexual acts? Could I really tell him I wanted a divorce?
    “This can’t be over, Jenny,” he said, coming closer and taking my hands. “We could move someplace new and start afresh. New people, new scenery. No mates for me to go out and get hammered with so no concerns about me cheating. I’ll see a therapist, go to counselling, whatever you need me to do. We’ll work through this.”
    I looked into his eyes. Half of me wanted to kiss and make up and go back to the simple normality I’d lost over the past week, and yet the other half wanted to tell him to jog on.
    “Even if I could trust you, even if we could get our relationship back on track,” I said, watching his hopeful face, “I’m not sure if I love you as much as I used to, Ross. Maybe we were coasting a bit. Maybe we’re not right for each other.”
    He moved his head away from me, taking this in, a shocked expression coming over him.
    “How can you say that?”
    “Look, this is all too much. I’ve had a crazy week