bad?’
‘You’ve definitely looked better,’ Robert nodded and held out his arm. I tucked myself into his side as he gently held me next to him. ‘It’s so good to see you up and about.’
‘It’s nice to be,’ I nodded.
‘Who’s for some wine?’ Gabe asked.
‘Please,’ came a loud chorus which made me smile. Gerry came over with my chocolate ice cream float and Doug and Robert started laughing.
‘What? It’s good. If I can’t have wine then these are my poison of choice.’
‘You’re going to get away with anything for at least a month now, I reckon,’ laughed Lexi and I smiled, happy to see everyone relax a bit.
I managed to eat most of my dinner, I’d missed Mum’s cooking. Gabe’s cooking was amazing, but with roast dinners in particular, you got used to a certain style, the thickness and taste of the gravy, the amount of salt or pepper in the dishes. Having Mum’s roast dinner felt kind of comforting. Everyone relaxed a little as we sat in the lounge and watched a film, me curled up in Gabe’s lap. It was only nine o’clock when he insisted that I needed to get to bed and everyone said their good nights, with Mum lingering back.
‘Try and get a good night’s sleep sweetheart. Sofia’s right, having a pamper day tomorrow will do you the world of good. You have Gabe to look after you now, but if you need me I’m right next door, I don’t care what time it is, you wake me up, ok?’
‘Ok Mum, thank you and thanks for cooking for everyone, it was lovely.’
‘Come and give me a cuddle,’ she smiled. I held her tightly as she rubbed my back and when we showed no signs of parting I heard Gabe coughing. ‘I think that’s my cue to leave,’ she laughed.
‘Sorry Jacqui, I just really want her to get some sleep.’
We said our goodnights and Gabe lead me to the bathroom and tucked in behind me as we brushed our teeth, his one hand around my waist holding my stomach. He finished first and as I put my toothbrush back in its holder I caught his eye in the mirror. He was looking at my neck bruises. He slowly lifted his hand and brought it closer to my throat and I automatically tensed up. He looked at me with a pained expression as he dropped his hand. I shook my head, grabbed his hand again and placed it on my breast bone, just below my neck.
‘Please, I want you to hold me there, you often held me there during sex and I don’t want to be scared if you want to do it again.’
‘You’re shaking.’
‘I know, I keep remembering how I felt as he was choking me but I don’t want to remember that every time someone touches my neck. Please Gabe, it’s you. I trust you.’
‘Ok,’ he nodded. ‘You tell me the minute it gets too much and I’m not going to squeeze, just gently hold until you tell me to pull away, ok?’
‘Yes,’ I nodded.
‘Watch my eyes all the time Mia, not my hand. I want you to see in my face that I’m not going to hurt you,’ he ordered. I nodded and took a hard swallow as I watched his eyes and felt his hand gently sweep back and forth over the top of my chest, his fingers edging closer and closer until they were caressing my collar bones and the base of my throat. I bit my lip and took some deep breaths as I focussed on his face. This was Gabe, my Gabe who’d never hurt me, I was safe with him. It didn’t stop me tensing and holding my breath as he moved his fingers up and ran them under my jaw. ‘You’re doing so well baby, I’m so proud of you. Eyes, Mia,’ he reminded as I looked down at his hand. I looked back up and my eyes started to sting as he gently palmed my neck and let his fingers follow the natural curve around.
‘Gabe, I … I’m not sure I can do this,’ I whimpered.
‘Yes you can, you’re strong, ok?’ he smiled at me as he let the full weight of his hand rest against my throat and I gulped as I my breathing became more erratic. Flashes of Milo’s street, that silver car and the box hedge ran in front of my eyes and I