Innocents and Others by Dana Spiotta Read Free Book Online

talking to other phreaks. At first he was proud of her, but then he became jealous. He wouldn’t admit it, though. Eventually Oz started leaving the house when she got into a conversation and not returning until long after she had finished. He said that he didn’t mind, but hearing the talking gave him a headache.
    In the years after he had left her, Jelly would trace the way they unraveled in her mind. She thought if she could figure out the place they came apart, she could fix it and he would return to her. Being left was bottomless. Not only in the moment, but the way it gave the lie to all the moments that preceded it. Is that true? Is love real and true only if it continues? Was it revealed to be “not love” when it unraveled?

JELLY AND JACK
    This was another crucial moment, and she knew that she could not initiate anything more. She had to wait for him to open it further. She could not get anxious. Jelly held the receiver with her left hand and leaned back on the pillows. She crossed her legs at the ankles, pulled her kimono robe over her knees. She was a little cold. She wanted to be in that room with the beach smell and the sun on the windows. She waited, closed her eyes. She listened to the quiet line. She heard him cough.
    â€œSo how do you know Mark?” he said. He sounded friendly and a bit amused now.
    Jelly made an “em” sound in her throat, with a little push through her nose. It sounded thoughtful, vaguely affirmative. She knew that even if she had to say “no” at some point, she would say it low and round and long so it sounded as if it had a yes in it somehow. Or an up-pitched down-pitched mmm-mmm, like a hill. The hums take you for a ride, just under the nose with the mouth closed.
    â€œWe talk a lot. Sunday-morning talks, late-Monday talks. Middle of the night talks. Sometimes we talk for hours.”
    â€œYeah? What about? Are you a girlfriend?”
    Jelly laughed. These men all had “a” girlfriend, meaning several at any time. She never wanted to be one of a number. What Jelly wantedwas to be singular. Not even “a friend.” She wanted a category of her own construction. Something they never knew existed.
    â€œNo,” she said. “Actually he talks to me about his writing. He reads me what he has written that day. I listen and tell him what I think. He says it gives him motivation, knowing I will call and he has to have something good to read to me.”
    â€œReally?”
    â€œHe never told you about me?” she said.
    â€œNo, but I don’t listen to everything Mark says. He tends to fill the air with static. It is ambient noise at a certain point. You know, busy but easily ignored.”
    She laughed. He laughed. Jelly sat up, stretching her back straight, feeling her spine arrange itself in a line above her hips. She switched the phone to the other side and relaxed the tension in her neck. She took a breath. So much of this involved waiting, silence, timing.
    â€œSo I have to go, Jack. I am so sorry I disturbed you.”
    â€œNo. I mean, no problem. I had to get up. I usually don’t sleep this late. But I was working all night. On this piece.”
    â€œYou probably want to make some coffee and get back to work.”
    â€œYeah, but not really.”
    â€œIs it for a film score?”
    â€œYou know, it isn’t. It is just a thing I had in my head and now I’m playing with it. Using the keyboard. It will end up in a film score at some point, I’m guessing.”
    â€œReally? You don’t watch the film and then compose to it?” she said.
    â€œYeah, I do. But I also import melodies and musical ideas I have. On file, so to speak.”
    â€œFascinating.”
    â€œSo, would you like to hear some of it?”
    â€œReally?”
    â€œSure.”
    â€œOh wow, I would really love that. Yes, please.”
    â€œOkay, good.” He laughed. “Hold on,” he said.
    Jelly