Interview With a Jewish Vampire by Erica Manfred Read Free Book Online

from Mom who was doling out my inheritance before she died so she could control how I spent it. If she kept a tight enough rein on my shopaholic habits, I might actually be able to afford an apartment where I could eat in a different room than I slept in. Or I might buy a car and put it in a garage so I could escape the City on weekends. Or I might go someplace other than Florida on vacation. Maybe Sheldon would rescue me from poverty and spirit me away to Transylvania or wherever he came from. Did Sheldon fly? If so, could he fly across the Atlantic? What did he do with his luggage on long flights?
    I was lost in dreams of travel to exotic places with Sheldon when the plane bounced on the ground. My ears felt OK this time. I couldn’t wait to get off the plane and check my cell. My heart sank when I saw there were no messages.
    I saw Mom waving frantically from the behind the barrier they set up to keep potential terrorists away from the planes. Most of the greeters were over eighty and unlikely to be stashing bombs under their brightly colored attire, but security these days seemed to involve torturing little old ladies. Mom looked smaller than she had the last time I saw her six months ago. She’d been plump her whole life, which suited her, but now she looked thin and frail. I hugged her and felt her bones under the pretty Indian flowered dress she put on for the occasion.
    “ Aw Mom, are you OK? You don’t look so good. You lost a lot of weight.”
    “ I think I look great. It’s the first time I’ve been a size ten since I was in high school.”
    She tactfully avoided mentioning my weight, which involved one more X in the plus size department. I’d trained her years ago to shut up about it by threatening never to speak to her again if she told me one more time that I needed to go on a diet. She now knew her place. I was feeling good about my weight this visit because Sheldon was so enamored of my size. But what if he didn’t call? Would I have to find another refugee from the nineteenth century to be accepted the way I was?
    My favorite part of the trip was leaving the airport and taking my first breath of tropical air. The airport looked like it could have been in any city anywhere, but even though Fort Lauderdale looked like a wasteland of gas stations, big box stores and condo complexes, the air smelled better and the sky looked bluer than it ever did in New York City. No one wore black or rushed anywhere. At least not among the retirees. When you got closer to the ocean the landscape actually started looking tropical. I guess they had to preserve some part of nature to bring in business. I felt sad because if Sheldon and I got serious I’d never be able to go snorkeling with him—my favorite sport. Maybe we could go night diving—or to those lagoons where you could see the phosphorescent fish at night. Actually, I hadn’t asked Sheldon what he did during the day. For all I knew he wouldn’t burst into flames during daylight, like they do in tacky vampire movies. Maybe he’d just sparkle like the vamps in Twilight . In Florida no one would notice sparkling. All the girls, and boys dressed as girls, wore glitter. I wished I could call him and find out.
    Mom lived in Century Village in Deerfield Beach, north of Fort Lauderdale. She and my dad had moved there from Jersey when he got Alzheimer’s so if he wandered someone would find him and send him home. There were some advantages to gated communities—outsiders couldn’t get in, but also the demented couldn’t get out. Century was one of the oldest condos in Florida, which didn’t give it any old world charm. It just looked more like an Army base than a setting for gracious living. The houses were condo complexes, low, gray concrete buildings with balconies. Trees and bushes had grown since Mom and my dad had moved in, so at least it didn’t look like a settlement on the moon anymore. After being there for a while I forgot how ugly it was, and