Inventing Herself by Sommer Marsden Read Free Book Online

fell off the sofa. Her cell rang and she found it on the coffee table in the Chinese food debris.
    ‘Hello?’
    ‘I heard that wild monkey sex, girl,’ Kevin said. ‘I was minding my own business, getting a blowjob in my room when –’
    ‘Kevin!’
    ‘Oh, please, Miss Oh God! Oh God! Oh yes! ’
    Sophie covered her face, mortified, even though Kevin couldn’t see her. ‘Sorry,’ she said.
    ‘Don’t be. Any Oh-God-worthy sexual event is worth celebrating. Does this mean you two are back together?’
    ‘No,’ she said. ‘I realised … after, that it was awesome but not what I want.’
    Silence.
    ‘Kev?’
    ‘Sorry. You just shocked me is all. Well, good for you, Miss Sophie. Maybe you need to figure out what it is you really want. Now that the distraction is taken care of.’
    ‘Distraction?’
    ‘Horniness.’
    He laughed once, made a kiss noise, and hung up.
    Sophie regarded Simon and then glanced at the time. ‘I should go to bed,’ she said. ‘But I’m never going to sleep. I just know it.’
    She was wrong. Between the heavy food, the drinks, and the sex, she was out like a light in moments. She had horrible, horrible dreams of her and Tony – married and old. Fighting about Chinese food and the best way to get downtown in heavy traffic. What to watch on late-night TV and bickering over dirty underpants on the floor. All the stuff that had been annoying and monotonous when they were together.
    She got up and dragged herself to a particularly long and boring day at work where she tried to meditate on the energy of the Universe opening her soul to itself. A sort of low level depression settled over her and she dragged her ass home feeling restless and a bit useless. She found herself too tired but wired to sleep and resigned herself to a night of insomnia, counting the ways she was spiritually broken. But it didn’t last long. She fell asleep wondering if her third eye could weep with the other two.
    Sophie slept like the dead from midnight until four in the morning. Then her eyes popped open and her mind went on red alert, the thoughts turning and turning until she felt dizzy with them.
    Great fears that this was all there was. There was just her job, her apartment, and her dog. Nothing more for her. Thoughts that all she’d put out in the Universe was a home, an occupation, and a furry companion. She’d never really considered love, partnership, marriage, or family. Often she’d thought she didn’t want it and now she was wondering if she was right.
    She sat straight up, her heart speeding with the anxious thoughts.
    ‘What if there really is no more of me to find?’ she growled.
    Her feet hit the floor, the wood planks cold; the temperature must have dropped. ‘Simon come,’ she said, her voice a bit harsh in the early morning silence.
    He rose from his bed, ever ready to greet her. She pulled on thick socks and her slouchy boots, leaving her pyjama pants in place. Simon padded out with her as she found her scarf and coat and key. She clipped him to his leash and out the door they went.
    The morning could hardly be called that. It was pitch black out and freezing. Her breath left her body in ghostly clouds of white mist. Simon did his business and then eagerly inspected an abandoned coffee cup; he licked it once and turned to look at her.
    ‘Don’t look at me. I didn’t do it.’ She stared up at the few stars she could see and let the cold invade her bones. It hurt, sort of, but it felt good too. It was the first time she’d felt truly awake in a long time.
    ‘I think I need a shower,’ she said to the dog, but her head was still tipped back to the sky. ‘And then …’
    He stared at her, thumped his tail on the cracked pavement.
    ‘Then I guess I need to think, handsome. At least there’s one man in my life who’ll always love me.’
    Simon thumped his tail again and chuffed. She swore sometimes he spoke English. If only he were human.
    The shower was hot but failed to