Jumper Cable by Piers Anthony Read Free Book Online

her?”
    “Well, men will be men,” he said, seeming embarrassed. “If any tyr that with you, let me know and I’ll boot them out.”
    “No need. They can’t goose me.”
    “They can’t?” he asked, surprised.
    She smiled. “Try it, Crater.”
    “Nuh-uh! You’ve got one cute bottom, but I don’t want you to quit too.”
    “I’m departing tomorrow anyway, remember? So you can risk it.”
    “Well, if you’er suer.” He reached out and took a hold of her bottom as she closed her eyes. And his hand passed right through it. “Hey!”
    “I turned ghost for a moment,” Phanta explained, opening her eyes.
    “I can do that by shutting my eyes. I solidify again when I open them.”
    “So it seems dark to you,” Jumper said. “But then how can you sleep without becoming a ghost?”
    “I do turn ghost then, but I solidify the moment I wake and open my eyes. So it’s safe, as long as there’s a light.”
    “I never knew,” Crater said, amazed
    “Well, you never tried it.” She smiled obscurely. “Of course I might not have ghosted with you.”
    The man blushed, for some reason. “So tarvelers have been tyring it all along?”
    “Yes. But I watch them, and blink when they touch. Of course that’s when I’m not holding a dish.”
    “That’s why you sometimes dorp dishes! You can’t hang on to them when you’er ghosting.”
    “Sorry about that,” she said apologetically.
    “And that mug of gorg that landed in that tarveler’s lap— that was why?”
    “Yes.”
    “He never complained.”
    “Because he knew I would tell why, and you would boot him.”
    Crater shook his head. “Dran! I wish I could keep you.”
    “You’re sweet.”
    “But we’re wasting the night,” Crater said. “Back to bed.”
    “I think I’ll stay down here with Jumper,” Phanta said. “Just in case Gheorge does find a way to blow out the lantern.”
    “As you wish,” Crater agreed, and returned to his room.
    “There is much I think I don’t understand,” Jumper said.
    “Well, you’re a spider. Your male eyes don’t glaze at this sight of well-filled pan ties.”
    “Should they?”
    “Here’s the thing, Jumper: when a human man sees a human girl’s pan ties, he freaks out. It’s part of the background magic of Xanth. It happens to a lesser extent when he sees things like Hottie’s bare bosom or a girl’s full bra. But men are so crazy, they actually try to see these things. So we girls show them only as we choose, usually just enough to get their attention without getting them all worked up. When we find a
    man we want to keep, we show more, reeling him in. It can be a fine line, and sometimes we misjudge.”
    “That’s when they duck you!” he exclaimed.
    “Well, close enough,” she agreed, smiling. “They aren’t supposed to goose, but travelers can be uncouth. Fortunately I can prevent them.”
    “You said you might not have ghosted with Crater, and he blushed. I don’t understand that either.”
    “I was teasing him. The rule is, a man may look but not touch, unless a girl wants him to. He follows that rule. But when I hinted I might want him to, he couldn’t help getting all excited. Men are foolish that way.”
    “Would you really let him touch?”
    “I might. He’s a good guy. It depends on my mood at the time.”
    “Teasing—is this nice?”
    She considered. “Sometimes. Sometimes not. Now that I ponder it, I think maybe I shouldn’t have teased him. Especially since I’m leaving.”
    “There’s not much to be done about it now.”
    A dim blue bulb flashed over her head. Jumper recognized it: not an idea bulb, but a decision bulb. “There you’re wrong. I’m going to go untease him, just for to night. A kind of going away present.”
    “Untease?”
    “I’m going to let him touch me. He’ll like that.”
    “I don’t see how a duck— I mean, goose— would make much of a difference.”
    “You wouldn’t,” she said. “This is more than that. I’ll see you in the