Just One More Breath by Leigha Lewis Read Free Book Online

“alone.” The sinking feeling in my stomach told me that my response to him was a lie. No, I wasn’t okay being alone; I wanted my son back. I lay in his bed and memories flooded my brain.
    “Mommy, are you ready yet?” Jax yelled from the front door in an annoyed tone. “I’m gonna miss the bus.”
    “I’m coming. I’m coming. Hold your horses,” I replied, as I tried to walk and pull my boot on at the same time. As I made it to the bottom step I bent over to pull my boot zipper up then leaned against the wall to catch my breath. I really hated Monday mornings, like…really hated them.
    “Ok ay, baby, let’s go,” I said, opening the front door and disarming the car alarm. I checked the place where I normally place my house keys so I could lock the door and to my dismay, they weren’t there. “Dammit, Jax, wait. I can’t find my house keys.”
    He looked at me with a frown “Mom, I’ve got them, let’s go. I can’t be late . I have a field trip today.”
    “Ugh ,” I groaned as I took another step out of the house. Jax paused again, exhaled, and looked at me. I shrugged apologetically and said, “I forgot my coffee.”
    He raised his other hand and it was holding the cup of coffee I made this morning. “Now come on , Mom.”
    I smiled to hide my guilt as I threw my things and myself into the car. Jax spent so much time trying to take care of me since his father left. Although I knew that his main reason for being dressed early and grabbing things that I was known to forget to make sure that we left on time was because he was really excited about his class trip to Liberty Science Center, I knew that another part of him did it because he was trying to take on the role of “man of the house.”
      Jax kept looking at the time and shaking his leg, and I felt bad. The thought that my inability to function this early in the morning could possibly make him miss his trip made me feel guilty.
    “Don’t worry , sweetheart, I’m going to take you directly to school.”
    He sagged into his seat, relieved. “Thank you, Mommy,” he said gratefully.
    We pulled up at his school with a few minutes to spare and I turned to get a good look at my son. He was dressed in a red T-shirt, blue jeans, and red Chuck Taylors. The realization that he had gotten himself ready for school without my assistance made me feel sad. “Baby, you did a really good job of picking out your clothes. You look quite dapper,” I said with a grin.
    Jax’s grin matched mine as he ran his hands over his shirt. As he gathered his things to exit the car, the urge to mother him took over and I quickly grabbed my bag and sifted through it. I grabbed what I was searching for and lifted his face toward mine. He frowned as I squeezed a generous amount of lotion in my hands and began rubbing it softly onto his face.
    “Mom, do you really have to do this right in front of my school?” he asked in a whiny voice.
    “Yes, sweet boy. I do ,” I replied, and then planted a kiss on his cheek, ignoring his extra loud groan as he exited the car.
    The need to mother him became overwhelming as I pressed my face into his pillow, and brought my hand up to the small necklace that hung around my neck. After Jax’s accident , Bridgette, the hospital’s Child Life Specialist, made copies of Jax’s handprint for myself and my parents. My parents had also spoken with his father’s parents to see if they wanted the same. Despite the many years we had been friends, I still couldn’t talk to his parents yet. Bridgette also told me about a company named Thumbies that could turn Jax’s thumbprint into an engraved necklace charm. When his scent hit my nose, it was as if he was lying next to me. I turned and whispered, “I survived the day, baby,” believing that Jax could hear me. A few tears slipped from my eyes as I drifted off to sleep.
     
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    Being at work became a welcomed distraction from the huge void in my personal life. I used all of