Just Stupid! by Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton Read Free Book Online Page A

her boyfriend’s birthday. I said I would only come if I could bring Danny along for company.
       I don’t think Dad is too thrilled to be here
    either. He is fidgeting and drumming his fingers on the table.

       ‘Stop that,’ says Mum. ‘Do you want everybody to look at us?’
       ‘No,’ says Dad. ‘Just the waiter. What do we have to do to get some service around here?’
       ‘Be patient,’ says Mum. ‘This is a five-star restaurant, not a fast-food outlet.’
       ‘It is for some people,’ says Dad, nodding towards a table nearby. ‘That couple arrived after us and they’ve already been served drinks, and they’ve got menus.’
       I’ve got something that will get the waiter’s attention. Hanging on the back of my chair is my jacket, and in the pocket is a party popper I brought with me.
       I reach around to get it, but Danny stops me.
       He grabs my arm.
       ‘Hey,’ he whispers. ‘Isn’t that Natasha Teasedale?’
       ‘Where?’ I say.
       Danny points at the couple Dad was talking about. They are sitting a few tables away from us.
       ‘No,’ I say. ‘It can’t be.’

       ‘It is,’ says Danny. ‘Look at her hair. And that’s Dirk Gibson with her.’
       The more I look, the more I think Danny might be right. She has curly red hair that cascades down either side of her face and rests in bunches on the table-top. It’s Natasha Teasedale all right. Nobody else in the world has hair like that.
       ‘Wow!’ I say.
       In case you’ve just crawled out from under a rock, Natasha Teasedale is the biggest star on Australian television. She’s been in millions of shows and movies and won thousands of logies. Her boyfriend Dirk Gibson is on television too, but he’s not as big a star as Natasha. He’s on the wrestling program where big dumb beefcakes pretend to fight each other. Beats me what she sees in him.
       ‘Should we go and say hello?’ says Danny.
       ‘No!’ I say.
       ‘Why not?’ he says. ‘Are you chicken?’
       ‘No, I just wouldn’t know what to say or do.’
       ‘How about, “Hello”?’ says Danny. ‘And we could give her some flowers.’
       ‘Where are we going to get flowers from?’ I say.
       ‘From there,’ says Danny, pointing to the table next to ours. It’s all set up with plates and cutlery and there’s a vase of little pink flowers in the middle, but there’s nobody sitting at it.

       ‘Okay,’ I say. ‘Go on.’
       ‘You’ve got to come too,’ says Danny.
       ‘No way,’ I say. ‘You saw her first.’
       ‘You like her more than me,’ says Danny.
       ‘Do not.’
       ‘Do so.’
       ‘But she’s with her boyfriend,’ I say.
       ‘No she’s not,’ says Danny. ‘Not any more. He just left the table.’
       I look over. Danny’s right. Natasha is alone. It’s now or never.
       ‘Okay,’ I say. ‘Let’s do it.’
       We stand up.
       ‘Where are you going?’ says Mum.
       ‘We’re just going to the toilet,’ I say.
       Mum looks at Dad.
       Dad is cleaning his fingernails with his fork. He puts his fork down, looking guilty. ‘What are you looking at me for?’
       ‘Go with them,’ says Mum.
       ‘Me?’ says Dad. ‘Why?’
       ‘Well I can’t go,’ says Mum.

       ‘Actually, we don’t need anybody to take us,’ I say. ‘We’re old enough to go by ourselves.’
       ‘Well, don’t cause any trouble,’ says Mum.
       ‘We’re only going to the toilet,’ I say.
       ‘No need to use that tone of voice with me,’ says Mum. ‘You know exactly what I mean. Go straight there. Don’t play with the flush buttons. Don’t lock the cubicle doors and climb out over the top. Wash your hands when you’ve finished. Don’t have races to see how fast you can empty the soap dispenser. Don’t point the hand dryer at your hair and pretend you’re rock stars—remember, other people have to use the restrooms as