Keep Holding On by Susane Colasanti Read Free Book Online Page B

downstairs. The girls’ room is near this end of the hall. Teachers down here have already started their next class. So the chances of getting caught in the hall are slim.
    I slowly press the bathroom door open. I don’t hear anyone inside. I go in. Still no one. I quickly look under the stalls. They’re empty. I go inside the last stall, lock the door, and wait.
    No one comes in.
    Sitting on the toilet with my feet up, I uncrinkle my lunch bag as quietly as possible. If someone comes in, I’ll stop uncrinkling until they leave. I unpack my “lunch.” There wasn’t any bread to make a sandwich, so I just have a store-brand toaster pastry and some raisins. I gobble everything down.
    My stomach growls for more.
    I keep replaying yesterday’s cafeteria scene. How Julian was looking right at me when I snuck a look at him. How he didn’t look away. How he smiled at me.
    How that gob of mashed potatoes splattered against my head.
    I’ll never be able to face Julian again.

    There’s a note in my locker before gym.

    If he’s so sorry, why didn’t he call me back? Or write why he didn’t show up in his note? Plus, he’s obviously been avoiding me in the halls.
    I shouldn’t meet up with him. But of course I will. I want to hear what he has to say. And I’m not about to randomly confront him or anything.
    Matt can’t just throw away our entire relationship. You don’t feel one way about somebody and then feel a totally different way two seconds later. There has to be a good reason why he didn’t show up.
    If Matt doesn’t want me, no one will.

    When the last bell rings, I almost trip over myself racing to my locker. I fling it open and start shoving stuff in my bag. Being alone before mother gets home is the only time I can breathe. I’m already anticipating my stress level dropping when I get to The Fortress, put on my yoga pants, and start reading on my bed.
    “Hey,” Julian says.
    The textbook I was about to put in my bag drops to the floor. It somehow manages to fling itself open in midair, hitting the floor with a sloppy smack.
    “Hey,” I say.
    He bends down to pick up my book.
    How can my heart be pounding this hard without busting an artery?
    “Sorry about yesterday.” Julian hands me my book. The corners of some pages are bent. When I take it from him, I swear I can feel electricity zing from his side of the book to mine. Miraculously, the book does not burst into flames.
    “What do you mean?” I ask.
    “About what happened at lunch. Those guys are morons.”
    I can feel my face getting red. I stick my head in my locker, pretending to look for more things I need to take home. This is the part where Julian says he has to go and then he leaves and never talks to me again. Why would he want to be seen associating with such a freak?
    But that’s not what happens. Julian’s still here.
    “I looked for you at lunch today,” he says.
    “Oh. I’m doing this thing fifth period now, so I won’t be in that lunch anymore.”
    “What thing?”
    “Just this thing for lit mag.” I have no idea where that came from. I don’t even want to join lit mag.
    “That’s cool. I didn’t know you were on lit mag.”
    “I just joined.” Why am I such a lying liar? Do I really think Julian won’t find out I’m not on lit mag?
    “Do you like it?”
    “It’s …” I close my locker. “Yeah, it’s fun. I’m—” I almost say
I’m going to miss my bus.
Then I catch myself. “I have to go.”
    I cannot leave fast enough.

    In an alternate universe, Julian Porter and I would be together. I’d have a normal home life with parents who love me. No one would have any reason to torture me at school. I’d fit right into Julian’s world.
    But we’re in this universe.
    I’m sure he doesn’t even like me. But let’s say he did. There’s no way he could ever come over. He’d see my corroded apartment. He’d see how there’s never anything to eat. He’d see how my closet is practically empty. And